Protecting Children | Mediation Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Protecting Children’

Types of Supervision

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

There are several types of supervision. One-on-one supervision requires that a third person be present and that the visitation occurs in a designated place. Visits can be informally supervised through a family member or more formally through a professional supervisor. The court can even order that supervised visits take place in a clinical setting, such as in a psychologist’s office, or at a visitation clinic specifically set up to handle supervised visits. Exchange supervision specifies when, where, and how the children are transferred between parents. Off-site supervision designates a neutral location, such as a playground or local fast food restaurant and a neutral drop-off site, such as a relative’s home or a public place. This form of supervision is least restrictive, and often precedes the slackening or dropping of the supervision once the danger period has passed, and if you believe that you and your children are no longer in danger. For a great article on supervised visitation, click here.

The danger may be reduced if the batterer receives some therapeutic assistance or intervention. The court can order the abusive parent to receive counseling or parenting classes as a condition to being permitted to see the children. Anger management classes are common to most areas, often serving as a diversionary treatment to prison time when after an arrest for domestic violence. However, the efficacy of such programs is unknown.

Some states take the attitude that violence toward the mother does not constitute ample reason to deny fathers their rights to access to their children. Recent reviews published in the Albany and Boston University Law Review journals found that approximately 85% of states (46 states and the District of Columbia) have passed laws requiring consideration of a batterers’ violence as a factor in custody and visitation disputes. All states adhere to the “best interests” standards, however, and so while violence may not be a specific statutory criteria in many states, it will be considered in every case in which it is present. In addition to including violence as a specific criteria, the American Bar Association has issued a statement that where abuse is proven, batterers should be presumed by law to be unfit custodians.

Even if the batterer is not considered a viable candidate for joint custody, many courts will protect his right to access through visitation. Many batterers terrify their spouses by using visitations as an opportunity to continue the abuse. The court must disentangle when batterers should be completely deprived of their paternal rights, and when allegations of threats made are part of the ongoing battles waged by two angry parents. At times, parents wield unfounded accusations as swords against one another in an attempt to gain an advantage in custody cases. The court’s job then becomes one of not only assessing the truth of the accusations made, but also to assess the psychological impact on the children, as well as balancing the Constitutional rights of parents to raise their own children.

Given this complicated landscape, it’s essential to document all allegations, with photos, witnesses or any other documentation that shows when and how threats are made that are later denied. Take note of when the children are present for the abuse, and how they experience direct or indirect consequences of the abuse. Click here for another article.

Ultimately it depends upon what the court finds to be in the best interests of the children. If the children know and are attached to the abusive parent, and the court believes that the children are safe when with that parent, visitation may be ordered. On the other hand, if the court cannot assure the children’s emotional or physical safety, visitation may be suspended indefinitely, until the situation is remedied.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Protecting Children, Reducing Danger, Supervised Visitation, Types of Supervision
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans, Safety of Children, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Special Legal Steps to Take When Violence Involves Children

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

The same types of legal protection are available to children as to adults, such as Restraining Orders or Orders of Protection. As the parent, it is your responsibility to bring these actions on behalf of your children when necessary. The same procedures described above apply to children’s Restraining Orders. Click here for additional resources.

In addition, suspected child abuse should be reported to the child’s pediatrician and the police. As a parent, you must protect your child, but the reasons for reporting abuse to your child’s doctor and the police also include protecting yourself legally. All states have laws which require parents to protect children, and by failing to make the proper reports to authorities and to seek proper medical treatment for your child, you put yourself at risk of being charged with child abuse or neglect. Your child’s teachers, daycare providers and doctors are also all required to report suspected abuse. Failing to protect your children against abuse or failure to seek proper treatment for them when they’ve been abused may be interpreted as neglect on your part. In the worst case scenario, you could lose custody and your children placed in the protective care of the state.

Should Any Child Involved in a Violent Family be Forbidden to See the Offending Parent?

The court has the power to order visitation even for a parent who has abused or threatened to abuse a child. Before a court does so, however, it typically orders a family study to be performed by either the Family Relations Office or a psychological evaluator. This procedure is described in depth in Chapter 9. Once the family has been evaluated, the court may still order visitation, depending upon the outcome of the evaluation. You can be confident that the court will do its utmost to assure that the children are not placed in a dangerous situation as a result of court orders.

There are many opportunities for the court to put safeguards in place in the event it decides that it’s in the children’s best interests to visit with a parent who has been abusive in the past. If visitation is to take place, insist on supervised visitation. Click here for another article on violence, children and divorce.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Violence and Children, Involving Pediatricians, Involving the Police, Protecting Children
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Safety, Self Care | Comments Off

Children’s Involvement in the Legal Process

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

Although children may be integrally involved in the violence cycle at home, from a legal standpoint, it is extremely unusual for a child to actually be called as a witness in family court. Typically, a family court judge will let you testify about what your child said or did in an abuse situation, even though technically such testimony is considered “hearsay” and is therefore inadmissible. Most family court judges feel that protecting children is a more important goal than excluding hearsay evidence, and will let you testify. Click here for an article on child witnesses.

In the event that a judge decides that your child ought to testify, your child will be appointed his or her own attorney, or a guardian ad litem. The role of these children’s representatives is discussed in Chapter 9. The court may also make special arrangements to protect your children, such as closing the courtroom, or having the child testify in the judge’s chambers rather than in court. Again, such practices are quite rare. Children’s attorneys, guardians ad litem, Family Relations Studies and psychological studies have made the necessity of children’s testimony almost obsolete. Click here for another interesting article.

Even when the “children” are actually adults, the damage that such testimony can do to a family is oftentimes not worth the benefit derived. Asking children to testify, or scaring children into thinking they might have to testify, makes them choose one parent over another, and is potentially damaging for them emotionally. Do not do it.

What if My Child is the One Being Abused?

Violence toward a spouse is often a precursor to direct child abuse. Nearly half of the men who abuse their partners also abuse their children. Children who both witness violence and are abused themselves suffer the most negative long term consequences. These children are at highest risk when the marriage is dissolving, the couple has separated, and the father is committed to continuing to assert control over the lives of his wife and children. Some men, after their initial rage, let go. Others become more enraged as they fear their victims leaving their control. These men are the most dangerous to their children. Older children face the special problem of being assaulted when they try to intervene to protect their mothers and to stop the abuse. Daughters are more likely than sons to become their fathers’ next victims. They may experience physical or sexual abuse.

Compounding this problem, women who are abused are less able to care for their children. Researcher Lenore Walker reports that eight times as many women report using physical discipline on their children while living with their batterer than when living alone or in a non-battering relationship.

Symptoms experienced by abused children are similar to those described above for children who witness their parents’ violence. Their problems at all levels are more severe.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Children and the Legal Process, Protecting Children
Posted in Going to Trial, Testimony, Witnesses | Comments Off

What if My Child has Witnessed Violence

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

Over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year. Most research suggests that as many as 75% of children from violent homes observe their fathers battering their mothers, with reports ranging from 68% to 87%. It has been noted that in some instances the violence is most likely to occur when the children are present, as the father seeks to further humiliate his wife. The amount of hostility and verbal abuse turned on you can and does affect your children. Research shows that children who witness such behavior show long lasting effects.

Children are prone to suffer from parental violence in four ways:

Immediate trauma
Longer term adverse effects on their normal development
Living under high levels of stress on a consistent basis, with the trauma that fear of harm to self and mother inflicts
Exposure to violent role models

Children who have witnessed violence report fear, worry, confusion, and stress. They experience problems regardless of their age at the time of the violence. Children as young as one year were observed to regress in their behavior so dramatically that they were incorrectly diagnosed as mentally retarded. Preschoolers demonstrate more yelling, hiding, shaking, stuttering and aches and pains in their heads, stomachs, and bowels. Children older than about six years of age may identify with the aggressive parent, growing up to be aggressive or abusive themselves. This is especially true for boys who have watched their fathers berate and abuse their mothers. Girls are more likely to display passive, withdrawn and dependent behavior. They also are more likely to become targets of abusive fathers; they are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually abused by their fathers than are girls in nonviolent homes. In the long term, girls are likely to repeat their mothers’ behavior, falling into abusive relationships. Click here for more information.

Other problems experienced by children who witness their mothers being abused include pervasive anxiety, fear, sleep disruption (e.g., nightmares, bed wetting), and school problems. Depression, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and insecurity are internal symptoms recorded by researchers. Difficulties in academic achievement, concentration, absenteeism, and conflict with other children are more externalized symptoms also commonly found among children who witnessed violence at home. The children are often less socially competent than their peers, as they are more isolated and feel shame about their families. By adolescence, children who witnessed violence have more behavior problems, are more likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to commit violent acts outside the family. One study suggests that these children are arrested by police four times more often than non-abused children. Some adolescents express their distress by running away, abuse of alcohol, or suicide attempts. In divorcing families where violence was frequent and ongoing, research has also traced the development of personality disorders that are difficult to change and require long and intensive therapy. For another article, click here.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence Toward Children, Protecting Children
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Child Support Issues, Conflict Management, Self Care | 1 Comment »

Setting Clear Boundaries

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

Oftentimes, your situation does not meet the level of serious violence where you have to flee, but you are subject to ongoing intimidation. This is also a form of violence or battering. Understand that when you are being victimized, your children are at risk for being hurt too. Furthermore, you are teaching them about your expectations for relationships, a kind of learning that they may carry with them throughout their life and repeat when it is their turn to become involved in intimate relations. Set standards for how you will allow yourself and your children to be treated. Click here for a terrific article on boundary setting.

Indications that your partner has gone too far include: getting angry at you when you disagree; punching holes in walls; throwing objects (aimed at nothing or at you); destroying belongings; threatening to hurt you or leave you for the purpose of creating fear in you; physically restraining you from leaving home; putting pressure on you not to work when you want to; insulting or ridiculing you; becoming jealous of your friends, activities, or hobbies; making you account for your whereabouts at all times; using promises and lies to manipulate you or to get you to forgive an angry behavior; isolating you from friends or family; making you ask permission to go out or make a career move; threatening your possessions, pets, or children’s safety.

Do not allow behaviors that feel uncomfortable, frightening, or intimidating to become acceptable to you or your children. These behaviors are forms of abuse even if you do not fear for your safety. Make it clear to your spouse that he can no longer seek to control your life or your actions. If you do fear for your safety, you will need to take additional steps to stay safe. Click here for another terrific article.

When Your Children Are Involved and Affected

Children can be affected from parental violence in several ways. They can be injured during an incident between their parents; they can be traumatized by fear for their mother and their own sense of helplessness in protecting her; they can blame themselves for not preventing the violence or for causing it; they can be directly abused themselves; and they can be neglected by parents who cannot care for them properly due to the violence in their relationship. Studies show that parents underestimate how often and to what extent children are witnesses to parental violence. Both mothers and fathers report that children are witnesses less than the children report when given the opportunity to respond for themselves.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Protecting Children, Setting Boundaries
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Conflict Management, Living Arrangements, Pareting Plans, Self Care | Comments Off

More on Custody

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

Of course, if you are unable to get out of bed in the morning to fix your children breakfast, or you have been diagnosed with a severe mental illness which affects your ability to parent your children, these situations can adversely affect your custody claim. As unflattering as your psychiatric diagnosis may be, however, it is likely that your spouse will attempt to make an issue of it in your case. If your therapist can testify about the progress you’ve made, the efforts you’ve put in to getting better, and your adherence to the therapist’s advice, the testimony will likely make the best of a less-than-optimal situation. Click here for an article on selecting the right evaluator. For a host of information in custody in general, click here.

Witnesses for hire: In no case or circumstance does it make sense to hire competing independent evaluators to produce a battle of the experts. All you do is double your headaches, economic costs, and often the experts present opposing testimony that leaves the court will little help in the end. Choose one neutral evaluator carefully. Check into the person’s background and make sure they have no biases towards men or women, or other vantage point. Then agree to abide by the evaluation, and stick to it, even if it is unfavorable for you. Any true expert will work with you to improve the recommendations for all parties, as the parties show their ability to work together or compromise.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Custody, Lifestyle Changes, Protecting Children, Your Responsibilites
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Evaluation Recommendations

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

The court-sponsored evaluator is expected to make recommendations to the court. This is almost always the case when Family Relations officers are involved. Independent evaluators vary as to whether they make final recommendations or choose only to provide the court with information to make its own decisions. Either way, while courts are not bound by these reports, they rely very heavily on them. Once recommendations have been issued, you must consider them carefully. Your chances of refuting them, or petitioning the court to have them stricken from the court record, are slim to none. Click here for a terrific website dedicated to child-centered family evaluations.

The evaluator usually recommends legal and physical custody (sole or joint) and a parenting schedule for each party. The recommendations may be written, oral, presented separately to the parties, or to the parties together in the same room, with or without attorneys. Recommendations may also include other elements. For example, the evaluator may recommend that either the parents or the child continue or begin therapy, that the child receive special education services, or that medication for parents or children is continued and monitored. Assessment of children’s special needs or parenting vulnerabilities may translate into a recommendation concerning parenting in the future.

Life Under the Court’s Microscope

During your divorce, you are, in effect, under a microscope. Both the court and your spouse are examining every aspect of your behavior. Sometimes, spouses even hire private investigators to follow estranged spouses around. While not all of the information is pertinent, it is unsettling to have people watching. Your behavior will be scrutinized closely during this process. Click here for another terrific article.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Custody, Evaluation Crtiera, Evaluators, Protecting Children
Posted in Child Support Issues, Custody, Pareting Plans, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

What to Avoid Doing

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

Do not link issues about your children with financial issues during the evaluation. You are presumably concerned about the stability of the children, not using them as a vehicle to obtain an advantage with regard to the family finances. Never mention money or the house in a custody study unless specifically asked by the evaluator. If your concern is for the children to remain in the family home, and you are concerned about how you can afford to do so, then state that as a concern rather than as a separate financial issue. Click here for a great article on some of the positive aspects of divorce.

Avoid insults and counter attacks on your spouse. Such responses can detract from the positive impact of a well reasoned response to criticism leveled against you. Instead, put a positive spin on your behaviors, concerns and actions. For example, if your spouse thinks you are too much of a disciplinarian, explain this by outlining your concerns about giving the children structure, and describe how you are firm but fair (assuming that this is true). Use these “disagreements” to highlight the differences in parenting styles between yourself and your spouse, and for you to articulate why your approach is better than our spouse’s approach, and better for the children.

Do not rely on nitpicking details as your examples. An evaluator will not be pleased about hearing arguments about every time your spouse was twenty minutes late for his or her time with the children.

Now is not the time to use your children as your confidante, or to involve them in adult problems. The court is going to take this into account when the court makes its final orders if you are unable to settle your case. Now is also not the time to introduce your children to your new boyfriend or girlfriend. Now is the time to be the best parent you can be, and to put your own social life and personal matters on hold. Click here for some tips on how to be nice to your former spouse.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Custody, Evaluation Criteria, Protecting Children
Posted in Custody, Pareting Plans, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Serving the Needs, Development and Growth of the Child

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

The evaluator will be interested in the structure that a parent provides for a child, the ability to provide clear boundaries and firm but fair discipline, in addition to the nurturing and caretaking abilities. Ideally, the evaluator will hope to see a blend of structure, warmth and affection shown to the child. This combination optimizes parenting. During every stage of your divorce it’s important for you to assess the quality and degree of your parenting devotion and involvement, for you to use this time as an opportunity to increase the time you spend, and enhance your relationship with your children. However, in the event of a custody dispute, you will continually and consistently want to demonstrate your best capacities and attitudes. For an article on the needs of divorced children, click here.

A controversial issue in children’s care is whether or not a parent’s work hours is a detriment to his/her case. Nowadays, many young children spend time in day care, and this is not a negative factor in itself. On the other hand, if one parent is much more available than the other parent to spend time with the children, you need to take a hard look at why there is a custody battle between you.

Current circumstances are most important to the court, but if you or your spouse have engaged in past behaviors that were severe enough to impair your judgment and ability to parent, these matters can also be considered by the court. Such behaviors may include losing your temper with the other parent or your child and acting rashly and harshly, especially if it was done in sight of witnesses whom the other parent will now enlist in his/her behalf. More extreme examples include ongoing verbal or physical abuse of the other parent, the children, or even pets.

If this describes you, you will want to be able to state clearly how your past behavior does not relate to the present situation, and how you have changed. If this pertains to your spouse, and is ongoing, document in as much detail as you can what the past problem was, including any supporting materials such as police reports, doctors reports, child abuse reports, and so forth. You will also need to be able to explain why this past behavior impacts your spouse’s current ability to be a good parent. Click here for another terrific article.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Development of Children, Growth of Children, Needs of Children, Protecting Children
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Creative Problem Solving, Emotions During Divorce, Living Arrangements | Comments Off

What Happens In An Evaluation

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Find out in advance what the evaluator’s procedures will be so that you can prepare yourself — emotionally as well as with any collateral information you wish to introduce into the evaluation. An example of such information is a list of people with whom you’d like the evaluator to speak. Once you know what to expect, you will be more comfortable with the process.

Generally, evaluations will consist of some combination of the following:

Meeting with each parent and each child alone several times to learn family history, individual developmental histories, concerns and desires for the outcome of the dispute, strengths and areas of deficit, and how each parent thinks about the child as an individual
Observing parent and child interactions to ascertain their relationship. Often the evaluator will make observations in each parent’s home so that the child is comfortable and the situation is at least as realistic as can be under the anxiety-rousing circumstances.
Speaking with collateral sources: others who know the parties, especially the children
Psychological assessment using standardized and open-ended questionnaires and instruments
Assessing extended family and community networks of family members through discussion with family members, community sources, and/or observation

Criteria Considered In An Evaluation: The Best Interests of the Child

The methods used in an evaluation are designed to provide the court with information it needs to determine a child’s best interests when the parents cannot make such decisions for themselves. The term “Best Interests” has a legal history dating back to 1881, evolving over the years from a presumption in favor of fathers to one in favor of mothers throughout the 19th century. In response to changing social conditions that have brought more parity in social roles between men and women, gender is no longer viewed as the best basis for deciding child custody. More recently, the term has been interpreted to connote a variety of factors as determined by the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act (1974), expounded upon by individual states. Each judge can give different weight to the factors which have been delineated as important.

Which factors any given judge will ascribe as most important will be determined on a case by case basis. This is one reason why it is so scary to let a judge decide for your family how your child’s living situation will be arranged. It is impossible for anyone, including the attorneys and mental health professionals involved, to predict the outcome any particular situation. For an article on child custody evaluations, click here.

The court will consider any and all of the following factors:

The quality of the emotional ties between each parent and child
The capacity of each parent to love, educate, guide, and raise the child
The capacity of each parent to provide food, clothes and medical care
Each parent’s special abilities and particular disabilities (e.g. health, mental health)
The psychological functioning (at school, home, and in the community) and developmental needs of the child
The child’s need for stability and continuity with regard to past living arrangements
The parent’s values concerning parenting
The potential for inappropriate behavior or misconduct that might negatively influence a child (e.g., alcohol or drug use, sexual conduct, criminal activity).
A parent’s capacity to encourage the other parent’s relationship with the child
The wishes of the child when the child is of sufficient age to articulate a well-reasoned preference (this age differs in different states but generally begins between ages of eight and twelve). For more information on custody evaluations, click here.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Court Family Relations Officer, Custody, Evaluation Criteria, Protecting Children
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans | Comments Off

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Posts Tagged ‘Protecting Children’

Types of Supervision

Special Legal Steps to Take When Violence Involves Children

Children’s Involvement in the Legal Process

What if My Child has Witnessed Violence

Setting Clear Boundaries

More on Custody

Evaluation Recommendations

What to Avoid Doing

Serving the Needs, Development and Growth of the Child

What Happens In An Evaluation