What if My Child has Witnessed Violence

admin — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 12:00:44 +0000

Over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year. Most research suggests that as many as 75% of children from violent homes observe their fathers battering their mothers, with reports ranging from 68% to 87%. It has been noted that in some instances the violence is most likely to occur when the children are present, as the father seeks to further humiliate his wife. The amount of hostility and verbal abuse turned on you can and does affect your children. Research shows that children who witness such behavior show long lasting effects.

Children are prone to suffer from parental violence in four ways:

Immediate trauma
Longer term adverse effects on their normal development
Living under high levels of stress on a consistent basis, with the trauma that fear of harm to self and mother inflicts
Exposure to violent role models

Children who have witnessed violence report fear, worry, confusion, and stress. They experience problems regardless of their age at the time of the violence. Children as young as one year were observed to regress in their behavior so dramatically that they were incorrectly diagnosed as mentally retarded. Preschoolers demonstrate more yelling, hiding, shaking, stuttering and aches and pains in their heads, stomachs, and bowels. Children older than about six years of age may identify with the aggressive parent, growing up to be aggressive or abusive themselves. This is especially true for boys who have watched their fathers berate and abuse their mothers. Girls are more likely to display passive, withdrawn and dependent behavior. They also are more likely to become targets of abusive fathers; they are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually abused by their fathers than are girls in nonviolent homes. In the long term, girls are likely to repeat their mothers’ behavior, falling into abusive relationships. Click here for more information.

Other problems experienced by children who witness their mothers being abused include pervasive anxiety, fear, sleep disruption (e.g., nightmares, bed wetting), and school problems. Depression, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and insecurity are internal symptoms recorded by researchers. Difficulties in academic achievement, concentration, absenteeism, and conflict with other children are more externalized symptoms also commonly found among children who witnessed violence at home. The children are often less socially competent than their peers, as they are more isolated and feel shame about their families. By adolescence, children who witnessed violence have more behavior problems, are more likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to commit violent acts outside the family. One study suggests that these children are arrested by police four times more often than non-abused children. Some adolescents express their distress by running away, abuse of alcohol, or suicide attempts. In divorcing families where violence was frequent and ongoing, research has also traced the development of personality disorders that are difficult to change and require long and intensive therapy. For another article, click here.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

What if My Child is in Danger?

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 12:00:32 +0000

If you believe that your child is in imminent danger from the visits, you need to report this to the proper authorities immediately. Take your child to his or her pediatrician for a full checkup, and let the doctor know what you suspect. You also need to request that the court issue a restraining order for your children to protect them from the abuser. Stop allowing your child to visit under these circumstances, even though you may be facing court sanctions for doing so. Your primary goal is to protect your children, and if you are certain that the visitation is physically harming them, you need to stop the visits. For information on restraining orders, click here.

Once the court is aware of the situation (which it will be, because of the restraining order) the judge can set the matter for a hearing so that you can present all of your evidence against visitation, and the court can modify the existing orders so that your children will be safe.

In other less exigent circumstances, your choices and plan of action are less clear. Sometimes problems happen during visitation, but it’s impossible for you to tell if the situation warrants filing a Motion for Modification of Visitation in court. You can file such a motion at any time; the problem is deciding when it would be appropriate to do so. Don’t file a motion which you cannot back up with proof. If you want visitation changed and can’t work it out between yourselves, you need to have solid reasons and evidence for asking for the change. Lots of children have a tough time adjusting to transitions, especially early in their parents’ divorce and separation. But how will you know when it’s appropriate to file for a modification of the court’s orders? For an article on modification of visitation, click here.

If you think, but you don’t know, that the visits are harming the children, then you need the assistance of a third party in order to determine how best to proceed. Have your children speak with a therapist or a school counselor if you think that something inappropriate may be going on, but are not in a position to prove it. Once they’ve spoken to a therapist or counselor, that person can let you know whether or not you need to intervene to change the way that the place, without violating your child’s confidentiality. If the reasons are less serious, and the harm to your child is questionable or less serious, use a third party to determine what is a phase, what can be corrected with minimal adjustments to schedule or types of visits, and what needs to be borne out over time. Examine your own behavior and make sure you are not giving your child messages that you need him or her to stay with you, for company, support, or to punish the other parent. This is an unfair burden to place on your child.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Mediation Blog » Domestic Violence Toward Children

What if My Child has Witnessed Violence

What if My Child is in Danger?