Mediation Blog » Filing for Divorce

Serving Your Spouse Divorce Papers

admin — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:00:10 +0000

In order for the service of process to run smoothly, the sheriff needs to know how, when, and where to find your spouse. The more information you can give your lawyer and the sheriff about where to find your spouse, and the best time to find him or her, the easier it will be for the lawyer to get the papers served, thereby expediting your case and saving you money. The appendix contains a Sheriff Information Sheet which you may use as a guide for information to give the sheriff.

Give the sheriff a written schedule of where your spouse can be found. Include his or her home address and telephone number, and the days of the week and times he or she is ordinarily available. If you want the sheriff to serve your spouse at work, list his or her work address and telephone number as well as hours and days worked. If your spouse can be violent, or carries a gun, the sheriff needs to know that. If you suspect that your spouse will attempt to avoid service, the sheriff needs to know that too. If you don’t want the papers served during certain hours when the children are home, be specific in your instructions. If you need to be notified before service so that you can make sure you’re in a safe place when it happens, also let the sheriff know.

The sheriff will need a description of your spouse’s appearance: height, weight, hair color, race, whether your spouse has facial hair or wears glasses. Attach a photograph to the written description. The color, make and model of your spouse’s car is also helpful information, as is the license plate number.

Under certain circumstances, the sheriff may be able to simply leave the papers at your spouse’s house, as opposed to handing the papers to your spouse personally. Each trip that the sheriff makes costs you money, so make it as easy as possible for the sheriff to successfully serve your spouse. This can be a stressful time. Make sure you have all the information you need. Visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php. For another good article on being served with a divorce summons, see http://www.gitlin.com/pages/questions/qa_servedwithasummons.html.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Preparing Your Spouse to Receive Divorce Papers

admin — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:42:29 +0000

Although it may be very difficult for you to broach the subject of divorce with your spouse, if you have decided to file for a divorce it is best to let your spouse know in advance that the divorce papers are coming. Even when the marital relationship has gone awry, the spouse served is often shocked and upset when the papers finally arrive. Try and soften that blow to the extent you can. It may set the stage for how much you and your spouse will cooperate throughout the process. For a terrific article on serving divorce papers, see http://www.womansdivorce.com/how-to-serve-divorce-papers.html.

If, on the other hand, you feel that you may be in danger if your spouse knows in advance that the papers are coming, then make sure that your lawyer is aware of your fear. You will want to make sure that you are in a safe place when the papers are served. If your spouse becomes violent or threatening after the papers are served, call the police. Don’t take any chances. Call your lawyer after you have had a chance to get to someplace where you will be safe. Your lawyer can do little to remedy the immediate situation; that’s why it’s important to call the police first.

How to Serve the Papers

How you handle serving papers on your spouse can be instrumental in how the rest of your case progresses. Most sheriffs and process servers can arrange with your spouse to deliver the papers so that it is not unduly embarrassing. Your spouse will be able to meet the sheriff to receive the papers so that service can be as private and non-confrontational as possible.

Generally, receiving divorce papers is painful and scary. Expect some hurt feelings and angry words. If your spouse has been violent in the past or has started behaving erratically recently, consider having a phone handy to call 911 in the event that your spouse becomes a problem, or be prepared to file a temporary restraining order. At the very least, establish a “safe haven” in advance where you and your children can spend the night if your spouse becomes violent. These scenarios happen infrequently, yet you want to be prepared if you are at risk. To make sure you are prepared, be sure to visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Living Together During or After Divorce

admin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:53:56 +0000

The Wall Street Journal published an article today about staying together after you get divorced, or staying together while the divorce is going on.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124743668592229179.html

Nice idea, in principal. Right? It’s cheaper, you don’t have to worry about changing the kids’ schedules, you keep your same mailing address……

But what this article, and the similar article which appeared in the New York Times on December 30, 2008, failed to mention was that the time of separation and divorce can be a very difficult time for the participants. Even for families which are not involved in chronic domestic violence, it is not uncommon for there to be 1 or 2 isolated incidents of violence surrounding the decision to divorce.

Are we sure that’s worth the money?

A client called last week and said, “We got into a fight and [spouse] slapped me. I called the police, and the police arrested [spouse]. Now what do I do?” This same client had called the week before complaining that he/she didn’t see how their mediation could be completed for the average amount of fees which we quote clients. Now the cost of mediation is a drop in the bucket—-spouse had to be bailed out of jail, there’s a restraining order, and one or both spouses will need an attorney. I’ll bet that spouse is no longer interested in settling through mediation, so the new divorce lawyers will easily cost 3 times the amount of money that client was worried about just a week prior. And let’s not forget that all of this went down in front of the parties’ children.

So is it really about money? At this point, I fail to see the savings.

Likewise, the Los Angeles Times has a similar article in today’s paper:

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As a 20 year divorce professional (litigator turned mediator) I worry that in an effort to save a couple of bucks that people are putting themselves in danger. And if it’s not physical danger, per se, what about what the children are witnessing? Are these parents who are staying together really perfect role models for how adults should handle conflict? I sure hope so, but somehow I doubt it.

Let’s not forget that an overwhelming number of non-gang-related homocides are [former or current] romantic partners. Remember the fellow who dressed as Santa and killed half of his wife’s family last Christmas? He was her ex husband.

My observation of “I can’t afford it” is really “I don’t value it so I’m not going to spend money on it”. Remember when you shared an apartment with 2 other people in college? Or you clipped coupons to make ends meet because your first job paid $5 an hour?

Staying together in the same house while you’re getting divorced may work for some folks, but for those it does not work for, it is a disaster.

Filing for Divorce: Step by Step

admin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:00:38 +0000

To illustrate the procedure of filing for divorce, let’s outline a typical case step by step:

Bill decided he wanted to file for a divorce from his wife, Anne. He contacted and retained an attorney who agreed to represent him. The attorney filled out the necessary forms, which stated that Bill and Anne were married July 20, 1990 in New Haven, Connecticut, that they’d each lived in Connecticut for more than a year, and Anne’s maiden name. It also stated that they have 3 children, Bill Jr., born December 1, 1992, Thomas, born July 5, 1993, and Julie, born September 21, 1995. The forms also stated that no one in the family received welfare assistance during the marriage, and that the marriage had broken down irretrievably (no fault divorce). Bill asked the court to divide their property fairly between the two of them, and for joint legal custody and visitation with the children. He filed a request for temporary orders requesting that visitation be established on an interim basis, since he had already moved out of the house. The attorney arranged to have Anne served with the papers, and when they were returned to the attorney after service, the attorney filed them with the court. This started the case.

Cynthia wanted to divorce her husband, Ted. Because she and Ted had no children and little property, she decided she would file the divorce Pro Se, without a lawyer. She purchased a book at the bookstore (oftentimes the courthouse clerk’s office can provide a list of Pro Se books available) titled How To Do Your Own Divorce in Minnesota and followed procedures as stated above. She filled out papers she picked up at the court, arranged with the sheriff service at the courthouse to have the papers served on Ted, and after they were served, she returned them to court with a check for the filing fee. Thus, her case was opened with the court.

Does it make a difference who files first?

In most cases, it doesn’t make any difference who files first for the divorce. Your rights are not compromised by the fact that you (or your spouse) filed the divorce papers. In the event of a trial, the person who files tells his/her side of the story first, which can be advantageous. Otherwise, it makes no difference who files the papers.

If you are the plaintiff and you change your mind about pursuing the divorce, you may stop the process at any time by filing papers to withdraw the case from court. If you are the defendant (your spouse has filed the divorce against you), you cannot withdraw the case without your spouse’s cooperation. In a “no fault” divorce, if the plaintiff represents to the court that the marriage has broken down without hope of reconciliation, the court will grant the divorce even if the other spouse wishes to remain married. For a host of free information about divorce, be sure to see the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php. For a list of terrific books about divorce, see http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Filing for Divorce

admin — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:00:22 +0000

Once you have everything in order, you can actually file for divorce. To begin, you need to file with the court. Basically, a set of forms need to be filled out, served on your spouse (or you, if your spouse is the one initiating the divorce), and returned to court with a filing fee. The filing fee varies, but is typically under $200 and can be waived by the court if you are unable to pay. You need to fill out a special fee waiver request at the courthouse if you wish to request that the fees be waived.

Typically, the forms require the date and place of your marriage, the wife’s maiden name, and if there are children, their names and dates of birth, and whether anyone in your immediate family receives welfare assistance. The papers also request information regarding how long you’ve lived in the state, and the grounds upon which you’re seeking a divorce, typically “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” (no fault).

The person who files the initial papers is called the Plaintiff.
The recipient of the papers is the Defendant.

The forms also require you to state in general terms what orders you’d like the court to make. You need to indicate whether or not you’re requesting alimony, a property distribution, custody, joint custody or visitation, and a restoration of the wife’s maiden name (wife’s choice only). You don’t need to state specifically what you’re requesting, just the general categories. For excellent article, plans and checklists, see http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php.

Along with the initial papers, you can file a request to have the court make initial orders concerning custody, visitation, support, alimony and use of certain items which belong to either or both of you. These orders are temporary, and last only as long as the divorce is pending. For excellent divorce information, see http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com