In order for the service of process to run smoothly, the sheriff needs to know how, when, and where to find your spouse. The more information you can give your lawyer and the sheriff about where to find your spouse, and the best time to find him or her, the easier it will be for the lawyer to get the papers served, thereby expediting your case and saving you money. The appendix contains a Sheriff Information Sheet which you may use as a guide for information to give the sheriff.

Give the sheriff a written schedule of where your spouse can be found. Include his or her home address and telephone number, and the days of the week and times he or she is ordinarily available. If you want the sheriff to serve your spouse at work, list his or her work address and telephone number as well as hours and days worked. If your spouse can be violent, or carries a gun, the sheriff needs to know that. If you suspect that your spouse will attempt to avoid service, the sheriff needs to know that too. If you don’t want the papers served during certain hours when the children are home, be specific in your instructions. If you need to be notified before service so that you can make sure you’re in a safe place when it happens, also let the sheriff know.

The sheriff will need a description of your spouse’s appearance: height, weight, hair color, race, whether your spouse has facial hair or wears glasses. Attach a photograph to the written description. The color, make and model of your spouse’s car is also helpful information, as is the license plate number.

Under certain circumstances, the sheriff may be able to simply leave the papers at your spouse’s house, as opposed to handing the papers to your spouse personally. Each trip that the sheriff makes costs you money, so make it as easy as possible for the sheriff to successfully serve your spouse. This can be a stressful time. Make sure you have all the information you need. Visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php. For another good article on being served with a divorce summons, see http://www.gitlin.com/pages/questions/qa_servedwithasummons.html.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

Although it may be very difficult for you to broach the subject of divorce with your spouse, if you have decided to file for a divorce it is best to let your spouse know in advance that the divorce papers are coming. Even when the marital relationship has gone awry, the spouse served is often shocked and upset when the papers finally arrive. Try and soften that blow to the extent you can. It may set the stage for how much you and your spouse will cooperate throughout the process. For a terrific article on serving divorce papers, see http://www.womansdivorce.com/how-to-serve-divorce-papers.html.

If, on the other hand, you feel that you may be in danger if your spouse knows in advance that the papers are coming, then make sure that your lawyer is aware of your fear. You will want to make sure that you are in a safe place when the papers are served. If your spouse becomes violent or threatening after the papers are served, call the police. Don’t take any chances. Call your lawyer after you have had a chance to get to someplace where you will be safe. Your lawyer can do little to remedy the immediate situation; that’s why it’s important to call the police first.

How to Serve the Papers

How you handle serving papers on your spouse can be instrumental in how the rest of your case progresses. Most sheriffs and process servers can arrange with your spouse to deliver the papers so that it is not unduly embarrassing. Your spouse will be able to meet the sheriff to receive the papers so that service can be as private and non-confrontational as possible.

Generally, receiving divorce papers is painful and scary. Expect some hurt feelings and angry words. If your spouse has been violent in the past or has started behaving erratically recently, consider having a phone handy to call 911 in the event that your spouse becomes a problem, or be prepared to file a temporary restraining order. At the very least, establish a “safe haven” in advance where you and your children can spend the night if your spouse becomes violent. These scenarios happen infrequently, yet you want to be prepared if you are at risk. To make sure you are prepared, be sure to visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.