Archive for the ‘Divorce Preparation’ Category

How to Maximize Discovery’s Usefulness

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Despite its cost, wisely used discovery can be well worth the time and money it takes. Although it can be time consuming, it also generally can be accomplished during the mandatory waiting period. If you suspect your spouse has hidden assets, or hasn’t been forthright about his or her income, or you feel that you need answers to questions such as why your spouse feels your marriage broke down, explore using discovery procedures with your lawyer. Most cases require only a few subpoenas, which can be a very cost-effective way of resolving financial disputes. Subpoenas are commonly issued to employers for income and benefit information. One subpoena, which typically costs $50 to $100, can be served on the employer for the past 2-3 years of records. You can use the information from that subpoena to double-check income, pension records and health insurance plans.

 

Similarly, most people maintain their money in only a few places. If the bank records which you and your spouse have are incomplete or not fully disclosed, you can issue a subpoena to the bank or brokerage house which holds the account. When they turn over the records, you can compare the records against your spouse’s financial disclosures. In such instances, using simple discovery techniques can be cost effective and efficient.

 

Extensive discovery, on the other hand, is expensive. If you’re taking depositions, your costs quickly add up when you account for lawyer time and court reporter fees. Issuing 20 or 30 subpoenas to financial institutions tends to be wasteful and expensive. If you don’t need subpoenas, try not to use them. It isn’t worthwhile to spend $1000 to find only $1000. You and your lawyer can work together to quantify what you suspect is missing. Then you can make decisions about how extensively to delve versus what level of seeking is not worthwhile.

 

Jeannette absolutely, positively did not trust her husband. She felt he was lying about absolutely everything. For years she’d believed every word he said, and then one day she found out he was having an affair. After that, her trust in him evaporated. Although her husband was a police officer who earned $50,000 a year, she was convinced that he had money hidden. Because she was so suspicious, and because police officers often have overtime pay which can be hard to accurately calculate, as well as substantial pensions, we issued a subpoena to his employer. We received the income and pension records from the employer. Sure enough, the husband had made a mistake (intentional or not) on his financial affidavit and had not included some overtime income. He had also underestimated his pension benefits. It was only about $50 per week in income and $2500 from his pension, and his lawyer, embarrassed at his client’s mistake, quickly revised his financial statement. This cost about $50. It helps if you can feel more in control of your process by knowing as much as you can. For articles, plans and checklists see http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php. Some terrific books are listed at http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

 

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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Discovery: Releases & Interrogatories

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

Discovery is a legal method for you and your lawyer to obtain information about your case from your spouse or other sources. Discovery mechanisms generally fall into four categories: releases, interrogatories, depositions, and subpoenas.

 

Releases

 

In some cases, neither you nor your spouse will be in possession of strategic documents. For example, you may have misplaced tax returns, lost bank statements, or thrown away your pay stubs and pension account statements. If it’s simply a question of copying documents, you can sign a release to have the document copies sent to you or your attorney. For tax returns, the IRS has a standard form release which allows them to send copies of tax returns to you for a fee. Most banks will also send copies of records which have been misplaced. Banks retain records for a long period of time, but for a fee (ask in advance, the fee is not always small) they will provide your records.

 

Interrogatories

 

Interrogatories are written questions to which your spouse must provide answers in writing, and under oath. They are often accompanied by “a request for documents”, which is a list of requests for copies of documents to be provided along with the interrogatory responses. Interrogatories may be of any length and there are relatively few rules limiting the content of the questions. Generally, the legal standard is that you may ask any question that would lead to potentially admissible information. Admissible information is information that the court would  use in the event of a trial.

 

Because a divorce case pertains to your entire life during the time that you are married, and in some states it also concerns financial transactions prior to your marriage, interrogatories can be very open-ended. Questions can be asked concerning almost any topic, ranging from finances to children’s report cards to sexual relations. If you are looking over an interrogatory package that your lawyer has sent you for response, and you see questions that don’t look appropriate, consult your lawyer immediately, but be forewarned that almost every subject is fair game. For articles, plans and checklists, see http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php. Some terrific books are listed at http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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You Can Never Be Too Prepared

Friday, November 27th, 2009

There are many financial and emotional benefits of working out your divorce amicably. Sometimes it is impossible to resolve things without court intervention, despite your best intentions. If the breakdown in the negotiation process is a result of your spouse’s refusal to cooperate, and if you have tried everything you can think of to make the situation more amiable to no avail, then you need to shift into a protective mode. In the event your case proceeds to trial, you will need as much information as you can get. If you are able to resolve your case before you get to trial, it will be because you were prepared. Divorce never feels fair, but you need to optimize your chances of a fair result, irrespective of the path which brought you to this end on your journey.

 

Putting the Evidence Together

 

No matter how amicable your divorce, it’s still important to assemble financial documents as soon, and as thoroughly, as possible. The pre-trial waiting period is a final chance to collect the information you will require to complete your divorce. Although it’s tempting to procrastinate, in order to maximize your chances of settling your case,  you’ll need to have all of the necessary information assembled. Once you know what information you can assemble on your own, you and your lawyer will have a better idea of what documents you’ll need to get from other sources. In the event that your divorce turns adversarial, you’ll also be able to start thinking about evidence which comes from information that you can’t find in documents, such as testimony, photographs, and physical evidence.

 

Some of the necessary information may need to come from your spouse. His or her year-to-date earnings, pension statements, or individual bank accounts are some examples of documents that your spouse will have to provide, since you won’t typically have access to them.

 

The simplest way for you and your lawyer to get these documents is to make a list of what you need and to ask for them. If you and your spouse (and any attorneys involved) are cooperative, the information exchange occurs smoothly and quickly. This is the simplest, cheapest way to accomplish necessary financial disclosures. When you cannot obtain the information that you need, you will need to utilize legal procedures known as “discovery”. For articles, plans and checklists, see http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php. Some terrific books are listed at http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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Am I Ready to Start the Legal Divorce Process?

Monday, July 6th, 2009

Before you get started with your divorce, make sure you have considered the following legal checklist to make sure you are prepared:

 

  1. I have started collecting my financial records, closing my joint credit and bank accounts, and establishing credit in my own name.
  2. I have established a confidential way to communicate with the people who advise me during this process.
  3. I have thought about how I will support myself after the divorce, and made plans to insure that I am ready to do so.
  4. I have decided what type of case to pursue: Divorce, Legal Separation, or Annulment and whether or not I will need a lawyer to represent me.
  5. I have considered mediation as an alternative way to help settle our case.

 

If you have not taken all of the above into consideration, take a moment and go back through the list and make sure you do. This will help alleviate a lot of the anxiety which can be associated with divorce. For more divorce articles, plans and checklists, see http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php. For a list of good books on divorce, see http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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Personal Assessment: Are you Prepared for Divorce?

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

As you prepare to make your final decisions about whether and how to divorce, it is helpful to check in with yourself throughout the way and assess where you are. Consider the following.

 

  1. Have I considered all of my legal options?  Am I sure I understand the pros and cons of each?  If I take time now to learn about different ways to proceed, I am more likely to make a choice which accomplishes my goals both in the short run, and in the long run.
  2. Have I accurately assessed my personal circumstances, my willingness to learn about the legal process and my emotional needs so that I can decide whether I need the help of a lawyer during my divorce?  Have I been honest with myself about my own capability in handling this legal matter, especially since it is such an emotionally charged process?  If I am confident that I have enough knowledge about the process to proceed, I can trust myself to ask for help when I need it.
  3. Have I considered the different ways to approach this divorce?  Am I confident of my ability to keep focused on my goals: a fair settlement, a sensible parenting arrangement, practical financial support orders, even when I am tempted to seek revenge?  If I am able to see all of the options without losing sight of what’s best for my future, then I am more likely to be happy with the end result.
  4. Have I determined my goals in choosing professionals to help me with this divorce?  If I understand my goals, I will be better able to pick the most appropriate people to help me accomplish them.
  5. Have I recognized that our old style of communicating is not working?  Have I found ways to begin to communicate differently?  If I am able to communicate with my ex-spouse, it will be easier for us to resolve our differences without unnecessary expense, delay, and stress. If we can communicate, it will be easier for us to focus on our children’s needs rather than our own, even when we disagree.

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

 

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Conflict as You Prepare to Divorce

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Once you’ve decided to pursue a separation or divorce, conflicts are inevitable. Even if you mutually decided to end the marriage, communication is difficult. Learning how to handle this part of your changing relationship is an important step toward establishing a new, less stressful way of working together.

 

While you are initiating a divorce, or bracing yourself for a divorce that’s been initiated by your spouse, it is useful to keep arguments between your spouse and you to a minimum. While you sort out how to proceed legally, you also need to sort out the inevitable emotional conflicts that will arise between you. It is not easy to change the way you communicate, but learning to break out of old patterns (which clearly aren’t working) is part of adapting to your new independent life. Either you can learn to communicate productively, or continue fighting. Conflict will generally de-escalate if there is a decrease in expressed emotion and perceived threat over time. In other words, things will calm down if you stop treating every discussion like an argument waiting to happen, and even if it does, control your urge to argue. Replace fighting with negotiation and cooperation strategies. For some dos and don’ts for dealing with anger, see http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/dealing_anger.htm.

 

Be aware of your own anger. Do you clench your hands, grit your teeth, stand rigidly, cross your arms? Are you breathing with difficulty, feeling a tightness in your chest, face, or a headache coming on? Acknowledge your anger to yourself, and spend a little time trying to understand what set you off. Distinguish when you are just irritated or annoyed from when you are furious. For some fair fighting rules, see http://knappfamilycounseling.com/fighting.html.

 

Think before you enter into yet another cycle of endless arguing. Use self-calming strategies such as asking yourself whether you are making a mountain out of a molehill, or if this is an important argument to take on. Are you considering your spouse’s point of view? Think about all the indirect ways you express anger that lead to arguments: you may get aggressive and try to hurt your spouse’s feelings with words; you may get quiet and let your spouse know you are very unhappy. Being silent is an attempt to grab and control all the power.

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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Flat Fee Divorces

Monday, June 1st, 2009

If you have hired the lawyer on a flat-fee basis, meaning that you pay one fee for the lawyer to handle the case from beginning to end, find out what will be covered by the flat fee, and what will not be covered. For example, if you pay a flat fee for an uncontested divorce, what happens if you and your spouse cannot agree on whether or not to sell the house, or how to set up a visitation schedule with the children? And, at what point will you be notified that you’re no longer being covered under the flat fee agreement?

 

 

Whether you pay by the hour or on a flat-fee basis, expect to pay a retainer fee, which is a fee paid in advance from which the lawyer’s hourly costs are billed. When the lawyer sets the retainer fee, he or she is trying to guess in advance how long your case will take in billable hours to complete. Most matrimonial lawyers bill cases on an hourly basis, and you are charged for all of the time that the lawyer spends on your case, including telephone calls, travel to and from court, and preparation time. Other lawyers may bill on a flat fee basis, setting one fee for the entire case. All lawyers should provide you with a written retainer agreement that explains in detail how their fees are billed. Read this agreement carefully before signing it.

 

 

Be careful if you price shop for a lawyer. Your divorce is one of the most important events of your life. If you can find a lawyer you think is qualified at a reasonable price, great. But remember, if the lawyer you consulted asks for the lowest retainer fee in town, there’s probably a reason for that. The most experienced lawyers are usually the most expensive and that is no coincidence.

 

If you are concerned about your finances, see http://www.peace-talks.com/finformation.php. For a cost comparison of mediation and litigation which may help you save a great deal of money, see http://www.peace-talks.com/compare.php.

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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Pro Se…On My Own

Friday, May 8th, 2009

You aren’t required to hire a lawyer to handle your case. Filing a divorce without the help of a lawyer is called Pro Se or In Pro Per, which is Latin for “on one’s own”. If you don’t have children or issues such as alimony or property settlement in dispute, filing a pro se divorce can be an effective and economical way to end your marriage. Although you can file without a lawyer, the court will hold you to the proper procedures for filing a divorce. You must follow each of the court’s rules and procedures exactly, so it’s important to educate yourself about the process. The court clerk’s office can help, and many community groups offer seminars on filing your divorce. If you need help getting started, visit our resource center at  http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php.

 

If you have questions about your rights, tax ramifications of property settlement, or you are in an unequal bargaining position with your spouse, you should consult with an attorney. You don’t necessarily need to hire an attorney, but you do need to be informed about what you’re entitled to have after the divorce is finished. This advice needs to come from a qualified professional–not your spouse, a neighbor, or a divorced co-worker. Guilt, confusion, and feelings of powerlessness can lead you to make poor decisions, and divorce decisions will be with you the rest of your life. It’s worthwhile to at least consult with a qualified professional. A lawyer can tell you the pros and cons of using an attorney or going pro se in your particular case, to help you decide whether or not an attorney is necessary. And, if you decide during your pro se divorce case that you need an attorney’s help, you can hire an attorney at any time before your case is concluded. Since cost is a factor, be sure to see a divorce cost comparison at http://www.peace-talks.com/compare.php.

 

If, after consultation, you decide that a lawyer is not necessary, you can learn how to file a divorce on your own. There are “do it yourself” divorce books in each state. Be mindful to select a book which is written specifically for your state’s laws and procedures, as they do vary from state to state. You can find these books through your local courthouse clerk’s office, your courthouse’s law library, a local law school’s library, your local bookstore, or the internet. Although the exact procedures vary across states, they all follow the same basic steps. For good book on divorce, also see http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

 

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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What is Annulment?

Monday, May 4th, 2009

There are two types of annulments: religious and legal. A religious annulment is handled through your religious institution, and is usually unrelated to the legal process by which your marriage is dissolved. Therefore, it’s possible to be legally divorced, yet eligible for a religious annulment. Check with your religious institution about the requirements to have your marriage annulled.

 

Eligibility for a legal annulment is very rare. Each state has its own criteria. Being married only for a short period of time is usually not sufficient to qualify. If you think you qualify for an annulment, you will need to find out the exact circumstances under which your state permits this procedure. Examples of circumstances which may warrant an annulment:  you or your spouse were not legally divorced from a prior spouse (irrespective of whether you were aware of this problem) and you remarry; your spouse fraudulently induced you to marry promising children, and you find out that he or she is incapable of having children; or, you are married to a close blood relative. Simply finding out that your spouse is gay or a drug addict does not qualify for an annulment in most states. Thus, annulments are available only for specific, rare circumstances. For some basics about annulment law, see http://www.expertlaw.com/library/family_law/annulment.html.

 

If an annulment is granted, your marriage is considered legally to never have happened. It’s as if the court travels back in time and prevents the marriage from happening. Although the court may make orders concerning alimony, child support, and asset division similar to a regular divorce case, with an annulment you may represent yourself as “never married” because you haven’t been legally married. If annulment is not an option for you and you are headed toward divorce, feel free to visit our resource center at  http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php.

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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What is Legal Separation

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

Some states still provide for legal separation, which is a legal decree that falls someplace between getting divorced and staying married. The court will make orders about alimony, support, and asset division, but you are not divorced at the end of the process. You are therefore not free to remarry. This is a potential solution for those people who cannot stay married, but for religious, healthcare, or other reasons do not consider divorce an option. It’s often enables spouses to stay on each other’s health insurance. Under certain circumstances, you may also be able to inherit from one another’s estates, should one of you die while you are legally separated.

 

Typically, legal separation orders may be converted to a divorce at the request of either spouse, or revoked at the joint request of both spouses. They can be used to formalize a separation period while you make up your minds about whether to get divorced.

 

Many people ask if a legal separation is necessary before a divorce can be finalized. In most states, the answer is “no”, but a notable exception is New York, which requires that parties live apart for at least a year before a divorce can be granted. Most other states have a waiting period requirement (3 months to a year), but not a physical separation requirement.

 

You may separate without filing in court for a legal separation, and you do not need the blessing of the court to do so. You may wish to establish temporary orders for child support, alimony, and use of assets during a separation if you and your spouse are unable to negotiate these things yourselves. To do so, you must file papers in the court requesting these orders. This is typically done in either a divorce or legal separation, but court help is also available in informal separation situations. If you are conflicted about whether to stay in your marriage and want some terrific advice, see author and family therapist Mira Kirshenbaum’s blog at http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/index.php.

 

A physical separation is not the same as a “legal separation”. A legal separation is a specific court order which is made after filing papers with the court. A physical separation may be done informally, by one spouse simply moving out. In a legal separation, the court has the right to oversee your case, to make and enforce orders about how the separation will work. For a host of information on every aspect of separation and divorce, be sure to see our resource page at http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php.

 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

 

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

 

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