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Archive for the ‘Child Support Issues’ Category

Types of Supervision

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

There are several types of supervision. One-on-one supervision requires that a third person be present and that the visitation occurs in a designated place. Visits can be informally supervised through a family member or more formally through a professional supervisor. The court can even order that supervised visits take place in a clinical setting, such as in a psychologist’s office, or at a visitation clinic specifically set up to handle supervised visits. Exchange supervision specifies when, where, and how the children are transferred between parents. Off-site supervision designates a neutral location, such as a playground or local fast food restaurant and a neutral drop-off site, such as a relative’s home or a public place. This form of supervision is least restrictive, and often precedes the slackening or dropping of the supervision once the danger period has passed, and if you believe that you and your children are no longer in danger. For a great article on supervised visitation, click here.

The danger may be reduced if the batterer receives some therapeutic assistance or intervention. The court can order the abusive parent to receive counseling or parenting classes as a condition to being permitted to see the children. Anger management classes are common to most areas, often serving as a diversionary treatment to prison time when after an arrest for domestic violence. However, the efficacy of such programs is unknown.

Some states take the attitude that violence toward the mother does not constitute ample reason to deny fathers their rights to access to their children. Recent reviews published in the Albany and Boston University Law Review journals found that approximately 85% of states (46 states and the District of Columbia) have passed laws requiring consideration of a batterers’ violence as a factor in custody and visitation disputes. All states adhere to the “best interests” standards, however, and so while violence may not be a specific statutory criteria in many states, it will be considered in every case in which it is present. In addition to including violence as a specific criteria, the American Bar Association has issued a statement that where abuse is proven, batterers should be presumed by law to be unfit custodians.

Even if the batterer is not considered a viable candidate for joint custody, many courts will protect his right to access through visitation. Many batterers terrify their spouses by using visitations as an opportunity to continue the abuse. The court must disentangle when batterers should be completely deprived of their paternal rights, and when allegations of threats made are part of the ongoing battles waged by two angry parents. At times, parents wield unfounded accusations as swords against one another in an attempt to gain an advantage in custody cases. The court’s job then becomes one of not only assessing the truth of the accusations made, but also to assess the psychological impact on the children, as well as balancing the Constitutional rights of parents to raise their own children.

Given this complicated landscape, it’s essential to document all allegations, with photos, witnesses or any other documentation that shows when and how threats are made that are later denied. Take note of when the children are present for the abuse, and how they experience direct or indirect consequences of the abuse. Click here for another article.

Ultimately it depends upon what the court finds to be in the best interests of the children. If the children know and are attached to the abusive parent, and the court believes that the children are safe when with that parent, visitation may be ordered. On the other hand, if the court cannot assure the children’s emotional or physical safety, visitation may be suspended indefinitely, until the situation is remedied.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Protecting Children, Reducing Danger, Supervised Visitation, Types of Supervision
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans, Safety of Children, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Other Options for Victims of PAS

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

If you have not done so already, you can request an evaluation in order to clearly demonstrate that the alienation has occurred and is being reinforced through the other parent. For an article on the signs of PAS, click here.

You can request therapeutic intervention. The therapist will work with the alienated parent and child, separately and together, to reunite them gradually. For more information, click here.

One of the sad aspects about alienation is that forcing your child to see you when he doesn’t want to often just reinforces his view of you as an ogre or a bully. Your efforts are invariably “misunderstood” through negative misinterpretation or attribution of intent. Even if the court forces your child to see you, it may not improve your relationship. A therapeutic route is always a better bet than a legal one. However, often you cannot change your child’s opinions, no matter what you try. You may then have to wait it out. Keep in contact from a distance, dropping notes or calling occasionally to remind your child that you care, that you are abiding by his or her wishes, but that you want things to be different. It may take years, but if you have been wronged, children generally figure this out on their own. It is sad to both of you when you realize you have wasted precious time, but your child will appreciate how you hung in, and will feel loved and appreciated. This seems like a meager reward compared to what you endured, but in the end, you are likely to find each other again.

The rejected parent isn’t always so pure and wronged, however. Parents whose children have been turned against them have generally contributed to the situation by acting in demanding, controlling, arrogant, or selfish ways that lend support to the other parent’s accusations. Examine your reflection carefully in the mirror. Are you ready to understand your role in what has happened? Children rarely turn on a parent so completely without some provocation, unless the alienating parent is so vulnerable that the child must support that parent to maintain her coping, to whatever minimal extent it is operating. In the latter situation, it is difficult to fight such strong influences. The passage of time, patience, and consistently nurturing behavior can amass the power to turn around such complex, ingrained dynamics.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Children Turning Against You, Parental Alienation Syndrome
Posted in Child Support Issues, Creative Problem Solving, Emotions During Divorce | Comments Off

What if My Child has Witnessed Violence

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

Over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year. Most research suggests that as many as 75% of children from violent homes observe their fathers battering their mothers, with reports ranging from 68% to 87%. It has been noted that in some instances the violence is most likely to occur when the children are present, as the father seeks to further humiliate his wife. The amount of hostility and verbal abuse turned on you can and does affect your children. Research shows that children who witness such behavior show long lasting effects.

Children are prone to suffer from parental violence in four ways:

Immediate trauma
Longer term adverse effects on their normal development
Living under high levels of stress on a consistent basis, with the trauma that fear of harm to self and mother inflicts
Exposure to violent role models

Children who have witnessed violence report fear, worry, confusion, and stress. They experience problems regardless of their age at the time of the violence. Children as young as one year were observed to regress in their behavior so dramatically that they were incorrectly diagnosed as mentally retarded. Preschoolers demonstrate more yelling, hiding, shaking, stuttering and aches and pains in their heads, stomachs, and bowels. Children older than about six years of age may identify with the aggressive parent, growing up to be aggressive or abusive themselves. This is especially true for boys who have watched their fathers berate and abuse their mothers. Girls are more likely to display passive, withdrawn and dependent behavior. They also are more likely to become targets of abusive fathers; they are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually abused by their fathers than are girls in nonviolent homes. In the long term, girls are likely to repeat their mothers’ behavior, falling into abusive relationships. Click here for more information.

Other problems experienced by children who witness their mothers being abused include pervasive anxiety, fear, sleep disruption (e.g., nightmares, bed wetting), and school problems. Depression, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and insecurity are internal symptoms recorded by researchers. Difficulties in academic achievement, concentration, absenteeism, and conflict with other children are more externalized symptoms also commonly found among children who witnessed violence at home. The children are often less socially competent than their peers, as they are more isolated and feel shame about their families. By adolescence, children who witnessed violence have more behavior problems, are more likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to commit violent acts outside the family. One study suggests that these children are arrested by police four times more often than non-abused children. Some adolescents express their distress by running away, abuse of alcohol, or suicide attempts. In divorcing families where violence was frequent and ongoing, research has also traced the development of personality disorders that are difficult to change and require long and intensive therapy. For another article, click here.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence Toward Children, Protecting Children
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Child Support Issues, Conflict Management, Self Care | 1 Comment »

Personal Assessment: Child Custody

Monday, December 6th, 2010

Have I tried every avenue in my power to avoid a custody dispute, and am I so sure my child is in danger that it is worth the heavy toll it will take on all of us? If my convictions are sure and clear minded, then I can proceed with authority rather than self-righteousness. For several articles on custody issues, click here.

Have I gone about the process in the best manner available to me? Have I hired competent professionals (attorney and mental health) who will represent my interests vigorously without fighting for its own sake? Do I have confidence in the evaluator we are using? I will need someone the court and I trust, and I have selected with care.

Have I prepared every step of the way? If I can answer “yes”, then I have done my leg work, I have documented my concerns, enlisted support for my case, and followed the guideposts provided for my demeanor and behavior in and out of court. These guideposts will lead me to the highest ground. Click here for another terrific article.

Have I observed my children throughout the process to gauge their reactions, and to detect when they need help coping with the legal dispute and its accompanying stresses? I am on the right trail if I have not lost sight of the reason I am doing this, and my children are still in the forefront of my thinking, feeling, and actions.

Have I made my problems my children’s? Have I done anything to undermine their relationship with the other parent; alternatively, have I given them reason not to trust or respect me? Am I willing to be party to such pain in their life, when I may be able to help ameliorate it with them? If I cut out the other parent from their life, I do get more of their time, but there is less of them because a part of them has been cut away too.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Custody, Modifying Custody, Personal Assessment
Posted in Child Support Issues, Custody, Pareting Plans, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

More on Custody

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

Of course, if you are unable to get out of bed in the morning to fix your children breakfast, or you have been diagnosed with a severe mental illness which affects your ability to parent your children, these situations can adversely affect your custody claim. As unflattering as your psychiatric diagnosis may be, however, it is likely that your spouse will attempt to make an issue of it in your case. If your therapist can testify about the progress you’ve made, the efforts you’ve put in to getting better, and your adherence to the therapist’s advice, the testimony will likely make the best of a less-than-optimal situation. Click here for an article on selecting the right evaluator. For a host of information in custody in general, click here.

Witnesses for hire: In no case or circumstance does it make sense to hire competing independent evaluators to produce a battle of the experts. All you do is double your headaches, economic costs, and often the experts present opposing testimony that leaves the court will little help in the end. Choose one neutral evaluator carefully. Check into the person’s background and make sure they have no biases towards men or women, or other vantage point. Then agree to abide by the evaluation, and stick to it, even if it is unfavorable for you. Any true expert will work with you to improve the recommendations for all parties, as the parties show their ability to work together or compromise.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Custody, Lifestyle Changes, Protecting Children, Your Responsibilites
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Use of Therapists as Witnesses

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Asking your therapist to testify in court on your behalf, or to speak to a court-appointed evaluator, can greatly assist you in your case. Your therapist knows you well, and will be able to comment on your concerns about your children’s well-being, your efforts as a parent, and your problem-solving abilities. Judges typically find that therapists who testify on their own client’s behalf, and who do not testify about the other spouse if they have not interviewed him or her first hand, are helpful to the court. Click here for more information.

There are limitations and drawbacks to using a therapist to testify, however: your therapist probably has not met your spouse, and may not have met your children. He or she therefore can only comment on you, and not on someone that he or she has not met.

By calling your therapist to testify, you are waiving your therapist-patient privilege, i.e., the confidentiality of your discussions with your therapist. Prior to calling your therapist to testify on your behalf, everything that you and your therapist discussed was covered by a special doctor-patient privilege, and was confidential. Your therapist cannot be called to testify without your permission, except in a few very limited circumstances.

By calling your therapist to testify for you, you are giving your permission for your spouse or his or her attorney to question your therapist about your diagnosis, relationship, and treatment. Before you ask your therapist to testify for you, decide whether or not you feel comfortable giving up your confidentiality. Sometimes people are surprised by what they learn when their therapist testifies. If your therapist is not experienced in giving testimony, it is easy for him or her to be caught off guard by the opposing lawyer, and to have difficulty explaining to your advantage. Also, many very competent therapists will strongly encourage you to leave them out of the dispute, so that they can be most helpful to you in the ways for which they are best trained, and which is most respectful of the confidentiality of your relationship.

If the court-appointed evaluator wishes to speak to your therapist, you will also lose your confidentiality privilege. Under these circumstances, however, it is usually best to permit your therapist to speak to the evaluator unless there is a compelling reason to preserve the confidentiality of your relationship.

Unless and until you put your own mental health into question, your relationship with your therapist is strictly confidential.

For example, if you are claiming that you need alimony because you are unable to work because of a psychiatric disability, you have put your own mental health into question as part of your divorce case. In addition, most courts have determined that by pursuing a custody matter you have also voluntarily put your mental health into question, and therefore your prior therapeutic records may lose their protected status with respect to confidentiality. This is because your mental health is generally perceived to affect your parenting. Therefore when you make a custody claim, assume your mental health is necessarily involved. Click here for another terrific article.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Going to Court, Preparing for Trial, Testimony, Therapists, Witnesses
Posted in Child Support Issues, Custody, Divorce Preparation, Going to Trial | 1 Comment »

Evaluation Recommendations

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

The court-sponsored evaluator is expected to make recommendations to the court. This is almost always the case when Family Relations officers are involved. Independent evaluators vary as to whether they make final recommendations or choose only to provide the court with information to make its own decisions. Either way, while courts are not bound by these reports, they rely very heavily on them. Once recommendations have been issued, you must consider them carefully. Your chances of refuting them, or petitioning the court to have them stricken from the court record, are slim to none. Click here for a terrific website dedicated to child-centered family evaluations.

The evaluator usually recommends legal and physical custody (sole or joint) and a parenting schedule for each party. The recommendations may be written, oral, presented separately to the parties, or to the parties together in the same room, with or without attorneys. Recommendations may also include other elements. For example, the evaluator may recommend that either the parents or the child continue or begin therapy, that the child receive special education services, or that medication for parents or children is continued and monitored. Assessment of children’s special needs or parenting vulnerabilities may translate into a recommendation concerning parenting in the future.

Life Under the Court’s Microscope

During your divorce, you are, in effect, under a microscope. Both the court and your spouse are examining every aspect of your behavior. Sometimes, spouses even hire private investigators to follow estranged spouses around. While not all of the information is pertinent, it is unsettling to have people watching. Your behavior will be scrutinized closely during this process. Click here for another terrific article.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Custody, Evaluation Crtiera, Evaluators, Protecting Children
Posted in Child Support Issues, Custody, Pareting Plans, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Serving the Needs, Development and Growth of the Child

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

The evaluator will be interested in the structure that a parent provides for a child, the ability to provide clear boundaries and firm but fair discipline, in addition to the nurturing and caretaking abilities. Ideally, the evaluator will hope to see a blend of structure, warmth and affection shown to the child. This combination optimizes parenting. During every stage of your divorce it’s important for you to assess the quality and degree of your parenting devotion and involvement, for you to use this time as an opportunity to increase the time you spend, and enhance your relationship with your children. However, in the event of a custody dispute, you will continually and consistently want to demonstrate your best capacities and attitudes. For an article on the needs of divorced children, click here.

A controversial issue in children’s care is whether or not a parent’s work hours is a detriment to his/her case. Nowadays, many young children spend time in day care, and this is not a negative factor in itself. On the other hand, if one parent is much more available than the other parent to spend time with the children, you need to take a hard look at why there is a custody battle between you.

Current circumstances are most important to the court, but if you or your spouse have engaged in past behaviors that were severe enough to impair your judgment and ability to parent, these matters can also be considered by the court. Such behaviors may include losing your temper with the other parent or your child and acting rashly and harshly, especially if it was done in sight of witnesses whom the other parent will now enlist in his/her behalf. More extreme examples include ongoing verbal or physical abuse of the other parent, the children, or even pets.

If this describes you, you will want to be able to state clearly how your past behavior does not relate to the present situation, and how you have changed. If this pertains to your spouse, and is ongoing, document in as much detail as you can what the past problem was, including any supporting materials such as police reports, doctors reports, child abuse reports, and so forth. You will also need to be able to explain why this past behavior impacts your spouse’s current ability to be a good parent. Click here for another terrific article.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Development of Children, Growth of Children, Needs of Children, Protecting Children
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Creative Problem Solving, Emotions During Divorce, Living Arrangements | Comments Off

Emotional Ties between Parents and Children

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

The most important part of the evaluation for most evaluators is observing how each parent relates to their children. Click here for an article on bonding. The court will consider relationships between each parent and child, past and present, with an emphasis on the present. The evaluator will assess how close, or “bonded” the child is to each parent to determine who is the primary caretaker in the child’s life. All children need at least one primary person, although they can easily be attached to two or more people. The primary person is typically the one who has spent more time with the child, but this is not always the case. It is generally judged to be the person to whom the child turns when ill, upset, or tired. It is the person who takes off from work to do not only the routine care of the child, but the emergency care, as well. In your family, who disciplines the child on a regular basis is a crucial element, especially for children old enough to get into trouble when parents exert insufficient, inappropriate, or ineffective discipline. If you feel that your bonding with the child has diminished over time, take this opportunity to renew your connections. Bear in mind that all parents and children experience ebbs and flows of emotional connection over the course of the child’s development. This is an essential part of growing up and becoming an autonomous being. Click here for a great article on the bonding process.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Parent Child Bonding, Parent Child Relationships
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Emotions During Divorce, Pareting Plans, children of divorce | Comments Off

What Happens In An Evaluation

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Find out in advance what the evaluator’s procedures will be so that you can prepare yourself — emotionally as well as with any collateral information you wish to introduce into the evaluation. An example of such information is a list of people with whom you’d like the evaluator to speak. Once you know what to expect, you will be more comfortable with the process.

Generally, evaluations will consist of some combination of the following:

Meeting with each parent and each child alone several times to learn family history, individual developmental histories, concerns and desires for the outcome of the dispute, strengths and areas of deficit, and how each parent thinks about the child as an individual
Observing parent and child interactions to ascertain their relationship. Often the evaluator will make observations in each parent’s home so that the child is comfortable and the situation is at least as realistic as can be under the anxiety-rousing circumstances.
Speaking with collateral sources: others who know the parties, especially the children
Psychological assessment using standardized and open-ended questionnaires and instruments
Assessing extended family and community networks of family members through discussion with family members, community sources, and/or observation

Criteria Considered In An Evaluation: The Best Interests of the Child

The methods used in an evaluation are designed to provide the court with information it needs to determine a child’s best interests when the parents cannot make such decisions for themselves. The term “Best Interests” has a legal history dating back to 1881, evolving over the years from a presumption in favor of fathers to one in favor of mothers throughout the 19th century. In response to changing social conditions that have brought more parity in social roles between men and women, gender is no longer viewed as the best basis for deciding child custody. More recently, the term has been interpreted to connote a variety of factors as determined by the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act (1974), expounded upon by individual states. Each judge can give different weight to the factors which have been delineated as important.

Which factors any given judge will ascribe as most important will be determined on a case by case basis. This is one reason why it is so scary to let a judge decide for your family how your child’s living situation will be arranged. It is impossible for anyone, including the attorneys and mental health professionals involved, to predict the outcome any particular situation. For an article on child custody evaluations, click here.

The court will consider any and all of the following factors:

The quality of the emotional ties between each parent and child
The capacity of each parent to love, educate, guide, and raise the child
The capacity of each parent to provide food, clothes and medical care
Each parent’s special abilities and particular disabilities (e.g. health, mental health)
The psychological functioning (at school, home, and in the community) and developmental needs of the child
The child’s need for stability and continuity with regard to past living arrangements
The parent’s values concerning parenting
The potential for inappropriate behavior or misconduct that might negatively influence a child (e.g., alcohol or drug use, sexual conduct, criminal activity).
A parent’s capacity to encourage the other parent’s relationship with the child
The wishes of the child when the child is of sufficient age to articulate a well-reasoned preference (this age differs in different states but generally begins between ages of eight and twelve). For more information on custody evaluations, click here.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Court Family Relations Officer, Custody, Evaluation Criteria, Protecting Children
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans | Comments Off

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Archive for the ‘Child Support Issues’ Category

Types of Supervision

Other Options for Victims of PAS

What if My Child has Witnessed Violence

Personal Assessment: Child Custody

More on Custody

Use of Therapists as Witnesses

Evaluation Recommendations

Serving the Needs, Development and Growth of the Child

Emotional Ties between Parents and Children

What Happens In An Evaluation