Other indications that children may need adjustments to the visitation schedule–or to something that’s happening in your home–include:
- sudden behavioral changes that are aberrant from your child’s normal personality (e.g., very quiet in an outgoing child, sadness from a generally happy child)
- bursts of temper and moodiness
- aggression or violence toward others, pets, or themselves
- a sudden drop in grades at school
Find out why your child is behaving differently. If you cannot ascertain what is going on because your child is uncommunicative, or because you and your spouse view it so differently, consider having your child meet with a school counselor or a therapist. Choose someone who will not exacerbate problems, but will normalize what the child is experiencing and will help him deal with it. Someone who is experienced in treating people of your child’s age, and familiar with divorce and family systems work, is optimal. When possible, include the other parent in your child’s therapy. It is working together as parents that will be the most assistance to your child. For an article on changing a visitation schedule, click here.
Parents often report anger at how their spouse deals with their child, in ways that are not harmful but which undermine your parenting values. Common examples include letting him watch movies you don’t think he is ready for, exposing him to rude humor or vocabulary, allowing him to be in the presence of people you think are unsavory characters, and so forth. As annoying as these matters are, they are generally not matters with which the court will interfere. You should try and work things out with a mediator or therapist adult-to-adult, appealing to reason and your child’s future. Some of these differences you will have to learn to live with, and in your own parenting time.
If you’re not able to address these issues as co-parents, then you will have to do it on your own. Once you’ve determined the reasons why the problems are happening, and have thought through possible solutions, pose them to your ex-spouse. See if together you can work with your children to modify the parenting plan to support them. If you reach an impasse, then it’s time to approach a mental health professional, and then the court about changing the visitation or custody orders. Click here for another article on changing visitation.
Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.
For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com
(C) 2008 Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.
Related posts:
- What if My Child Doesn’t Want to Visit?
- Developing a Schedule for Living Arrangements
- What if My Child is in Danger?
- Finding a Schedule that Fits Your Family
- How Shared Parenting Affects Children
Tags: Changing Visitation, Modifying Custody, Observing Changes in Children, Protecting Children
