Preschoolers indicate increased fears of abandonment. They regress to earlier stages of development; for example, they may begin soiling their pants or wetting their bed again if they had mastered that behavior a short time before. Your child who loved day care now clings to your leg, wailing piteously about your leaving. She may be more cranky. Or she may seem not to have noticed, her denial working perfectly for her. This can scare parents, but it will not hurt your child to take more time before dealing with the event. Denial is wonderfully undervalued in our culture: it can give us the time we need to martial our resources, allowing us to reach the next step. Young children take longer to cognitively and emotionally process complex relationships and events. Click here for more information on children’s reactions to divorce.
Early school age children (6-8 years) are more likely to express their reactions in sadness. They are likely to mourn through yearning, like Madame Butterfly waiting at the window to see her love return to her. Their fears are ones of deprivation rather than abandonment; will there be enough time, attention, and money for them to live as they always did? Symptoms are manifested in academic difficulties and concentration problems. Sleep and eating disturbances are common, as are psychosomatic complaints – headaches, stomach aches, bumps and bruises.
Your middle school child (9-12 years) is more likely to get angry than his younger siblings. This age is prone to loyalty conflicts, since friendships and teammates are just beginning to fully take over their imaginations and dominate their social world. This is the age most likely to become involved by their parents in the adults’ conflict, signing up for one side or the other, but eager to be on a team and to have a common threat to rally against. Due to their sensitivity in this arena, and to their greater abilities than their younger siblings to understand what is going on between the adults, they are used by parents to deliver messages, spy, or just report back. Click here for an article on what children need from you during your divorce
Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.
For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com
(C) 2008 Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.
Related posts:
- How Will My Children Feel and React?
- Talking with Your Children
- What if Your Children Ask You Personal Questions?
- Preparing Myself and My Children
- Using Children as Pawns
Tags: Reactions of Children, Talking with Child, Telling the Children
