Sometimes clients and lawyers are not on the same wavelength concerning what will be important at a trial. While the client may be feeling a great deal of stress, grief, loss and anger over the situation, the lawyer views this essentially as a business deal. The lawyer needs to view it that way — that’s why you are paying him/her: for expertise, experience, and objectivity.

While for the divorcing parties a trial is both an economic and psychological decision, understand that judges are mostly concerned with providing a reasonably fair allocation of income and assets based on the laws of your state. They are not concerned with unraveling every transaction between you and your spouse. Fault issues like endless arguments and hurtful words may be at the forefront of your mind, but will seem minor to the judge. Don’t make the decision to try your case on moral grounds alone. This is essentially a business transaction, even if it doesn’t feel that way, and you need to decide how you can finalize your case in the least expensive way possible. Don’t let your emotions get in the way of a good, solid business decision.  

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

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