If you think that your spouse is having an affair, or has a secret business partner, the first place to look is your old phone bills. Are there numbers you don’t recognize?  You can determine to whom the phone numbers belong through an internet search. One such website is located at:  http://www.infospace.com.

If you feel that it is absolutely necessary, you can follow your spouse in the car, call at odd times at work, or ask your friends to help you out. Obviously, do not attempt such tracking if you think your spouse could become violent. Consider the ramifications in any case, because if you are wrong and your spouse finds out what you are doing, trust is gone and you will be on the defensive. If you or your attorney feel that you need to accumulate this evidence, however, consider doing the sleuthing yourself. You may be able to see with your own eyes what you would pay a hefty fee to a private detective to see. Obviously, don’t do anything illegal or dangerous.

When should I think about hiring a professional detective?    

When your financial picture or personal situation is complicated, ( i.e., you know that your spouse makes a great deal of money but you have no savings to show for it, or a large bank account has “disappeared” and you can’t find any evidence of where the money went using the techniques outlined above), you may want to hire a private detective or asset searcher who can run a computer check on your spouse’s social security number, name and date of  birth to determine if he or she has bank accounts in this country or abroad. Such procedures are expensive, however, costing upwards of  $750.00 for each search. Searching for any amount under $5,000 is probably not worth it. The bottom line should be whether uncovering additional money is critical to your standard of living, rather than satisfying a psychological determination to trap your spouse.

There is no substitute for talking with your own lawyer and making an informed decision about how to proceed. If you are not sure where to get started, see http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php. Also be sure to visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.