As you prepare to make your final decisions about whether and how to divorce, it is helpful to check in with yourself throughout the way and assess where you are. Consider the following.

1. Have I considered all of my legal options?  Am I sure I understand the pros and cons of each?  If I take time now to learn about different ways to proceed, I am more likely to make a choice which accomplishes my goals both in the short run, and in the long run.
2. Have I accurately assessed my personal circumstances, my willingness to learn about the legal process and my emotional needs so that I can decide whether I need the help of a lawyer during my divorce?  Have I been honest with myself about my own capability in handling this legal matter, especially since it is such an emotionally charged process?  If I am confident that I have enough knowledge about the process to proceed, I can trust myself to ask for help when I need it.
3. Have I considered the different ways to approach this divorce?  Am I confident of my ability to keep focused on my goals: a fair settlement, a sensible parenting arrangement, practical financial support orders, even when I am tempted to seek revenge?  If I am able to see all of the options without losing sight of what’s best for my future, then I am more likely to be happy with the end result.
4. Have I determined my goals in choosing professionals to help me with this divorce?  If I understand my goals, I will be better able to pick the most appropriate people to help me accomplish them.
5. Have I recognized that our old style of communicating is not working?  Have I found ways to begin to communicate differently?  If I am able to communicate with my ex-spouse, it will be easier for us to resolve our differences without unnecessary expense, delay, and stress. If we can communicate, it will be easier for us to focus on our children’s needs rather than our own, even when we disagree.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

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Tags: Creating Fair Settlements, Personal Divorce Assessment

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