It is especially painful when you know that the offer on the table is unfair, and that the other person knows you will not fight much further because he or she is more willing than you to sacrifice your own sanity and your children’s interests. This is one of the most fraught situations for all involved, because the client gets angry at his or her attorney and the system for the inherent unfairness. The system can protect you from the extremes of abuse, but it cannot always protect you from a selfish and manipulative spouse. Nor can a lawyer deflect such behavior. In these situations, realize that you chose to marry and/or have children with the person who could act this way. No one can fix that for you. Get out of the relationship and rebuild your life the best you can. If you seek justice in family court, you will be dismayed. The outcome is usually as fair as both people involved.
In order to negotiate a settlement favorable for you, inform your lawyer of all relevant and pending issues, no matter how small the issues seem. A common example of this is the question of who will be permitted to claim certain tax exemptions once the divorce is finalized. You may see this as a small issue, but if it remains unresolved and problems erupt with tax returns it could be the source of great stress and strife later on. It’s better to deal with even the small issues, so that the agreement you negotiate is a total resolution of all the outstanding issues. If your lawyer thinks that an issue is too small to bother with, for example fighting over the stainless steel flatware, your lawyer will tell you.
If you are unable to settle your case after the court’s mandatory settlement conference, the Court will set a trial date.
Take this time to make sure you have done your research. See http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php. Also be sure to visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://www.peace-talks.com/resources.php.
Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.
For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com
(C) 2008 Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.
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