Typically, legal separation orders may be converted to a divorce at the request of either spouse, or revoked at the joint request of both spouses. They can be used to formalize a separation period while you make up your minds about whether to get divorced.

Many people ask if a legal separation is necessary before a divorce can be finalized. In most states, the answer is “no”, but a notable exception is New York, which requires that parties live apart for at least a year before a divorce can be granted. Most other states have a waiting period requirement (3 months to a year), but not a physical separation requirement.

You may separate without filing in court for a legal separation, and you do not need the blessing of the court to do so. You may wish to establish temporary orders for child support, alimony, and use of assets during a separation if you and your spouse are unable to negotiate these things yourselves. To do so, you must file papers in the court requesting these orders. This is typically done in either a divorce or legal separation, but court help is also available in informal separation situations. If you are conflicted about whether to stay in your marriage and want some terrific advice, see author and family therapist Mira Kirshenbaum’s blog at http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/index.php.

A physical separation is not the same as a “legal separation”. A legal separation is a specific court order which is made after filing papers with the court. A physical separation may be done informally, by one spouse simply moving out. In a legal separation, the court has the right to oversee your case, to make and enforce orders about how the separation will work. For a host of information on every aspect of separation and divorce, be sure to see our resource page at http://www.peace-talks.com/divorceinformation.php.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

What is Divorce?

Divorce is a full and final settlement of your property and money issues. A divorce also resolves custody and access to both parents for children. Typically divorce judgments stand as final decrees, meaning that they cannot later be modified except under special circumstances. Those parts of the decree pertaining to children will always be modifiable as the circumstances change for the children. It is extremely unusual for property decisions to be revisited by the court.

The only situations in which the property divisions will not be final are: (1) either or both of you have made a fraudulent misrepresentation about your assets, in which case the judgment may be reopened; (2) the case is appealed and is remanded for a new trial, which only happens if the judge made a serious error; or (3) you and your spouse specifically reserve the authority for the court to reconsider an item in the divorce at a later time. Examples of when the court may retain authority are:  to review a qualified domestic relations order for division of pension assets, or for disputes which may arise in connection with the sale of a home. In order for the court to retain jurisdiction over these matters, the judgment must specifically delineate that these matters may be revisited. If it does not say so, the court will not retain jurisdiction and settled matters are permanent. If you are looking for a good book about divorce, see http://www.peace-talks.com/books.php.

At the end of a divorce, your marriage is dissolved, and you are free to remarry.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

You can never start planning for the future too soon, and when it comes to your career this is especially true. Now is the time to make those plans for your future financial responsibilities.

Unless you are independently wealthy, or you already have a salary that’s enough to support yourself and/or your family, you need to get your career plans in order. You can’t risk being unable to support yourself adequately. Sometimes, people refuse to pay support amounts set by a judge despite court orders, and sometimes they aren’t ordered to make support payments at all. You need to be prepared for all of these scenarios. Divorces can be startling in their expense; keeping up two families is not one plus a little, it is two of everything or double what you need now.If education is an issue because you don’t have a high school diploma, didn’t finish college, need to update your skills, or you have let a professional license lapse, now is the time to get busy. For information on obtaining or finishing a degree, see www.educationdegreesource.com.

After the divorce starts in earnest, it will be much harder to begin.

Ideally, if you’ve been out of the job market for awhile, you will receive enough money from your spouse to ease your transition back into your career. This happens very rarely in practice. Either the family doesn’t have enough money, your spouse disappears or doesn’t pay, or your education or career move takes much longer than expected.

Several years ago, lifetime alimony awards for housewives were commonplace. Not so anymore. Women are expected to work, even if they cannot support themselves fully. Several states have abolished alimony entirely. And, with changing sex roles, it is not that unusual for men to put their careers on hold for children and other responsibilities. Nowadays, some men are awarded alimony, as well as child support, when they are awarded custody of children.

Lifetime alimony orders were also common in the past. Perhaps a housewife’s husband had an affair with his secretary, and that is the reason the marriage broke down. Twenty years ago, that would have meant a huge alimony order. Not so anymore. Alimony is now based on the spouse’s ability to pay, as well as the needs of the recipient.

In addition, the economic reality for most families is that maintaining two households will necessitate two incomes, even if one is small than the other. There simply isn’t enough money to go around, no matter how deserving the prospective recipient. 

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com.