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Types of Supervision

January 26th, 2011

There are several types of supervision. One-on-one supervision requires that a third person be present and that the visitation occurs in a designated place. Visits can be informally supervised through a family member or more formally through a professional supervisor. The court can even order that supervised visits take place in a clinical setting, such as in a psychologist’s office, or at a visitation clinic specifically set up to handle supervised visits. Exchange supervision specifies when, where, and how the children are transferred between parents. Off-site supervision designates a neutral location, such as a playground or local fast food restaurant and a neutral drop-off site, such as a relative’s home or a public place. This form of supervision is least restrictive, and often precedes the slackening or dropping of the supervision once the danger period has passed, and if you believe that you and your children are no longer in danger. For a great article on supervised visitation, click here.

The danger may be reduced if the batterer receives some therapeutic assistance or intervention. The court can order the abusive parent to receive counseling or parenting classes as a condition to being permitted to see the children. Anger management classes are common to most areas, often serving as a diversionary treatment to prison time when after an arrest for domestic violence. However, the efficacy of such programs is unknown.

Some states take the attitude that violence toward the mother does not constitute ample reason to deny fathers their rights to access to their children. Recent reviews published in the Albany and Boston University Law Review journals found that approximately 85% of states (46 states and the District of Columbia) have passed laws requiring consideration of a batterers’ violence as a factor in custody and visitation disputes. All states adhere to the “best interests” standards, however, and so while violence may not be a specific statutory criteria in many states, it will be considered in every case in which it is present. In addition to including violence as a specific criteria, the American Bar Association has issued a statement that where abuse is proven, batterers should be presumed by law to be unfit custodians.

Even if the batterer is not considered a viable candidate for joint custody, many courts will protect his right to access through visitation. Many batterers terrify their spouses by using visitations as an opportunity to continue the abuse. The court must disentangle when batterers should be completely deprived of their paternal rights, and when allegations of threats made are part of the ongoing battles waged by two angry parents. At times, parents wield unfounded accusations as swords against one another in an attempt to gain an advantage in custody cases. The court’s job then becomes one of not only assessing the truth of the accusations made, but also to assess the psychological impact on the children, as well as balancing the Constitutional rights of parents to raise their own children.

Given this complicated landscape, it’s essential to document all allegations, with photos, witnesses or any other documentation that shows when and how threats are made that are later denied. Take note of when the children are present for the abuse, and how they experience direct or indirect consequences of the abuse. Click here for another article.

Ultimately it depends upon what the court finds to be in the best interests of the children. If the children know and are attached to the abusive parent, and the court believes that the children are safe when with that parent, visitation may be ordered. On the other hand, if the court cannot assure the children’s emotional or physical safety, visitation may be suspended indefinitely, until the situation is remedied.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Protecting Children, Reducing Danger, Supervised Visitation, Types of Supervision
Posted in Child Support Issues, Co-parenting, Custody, Pareting Plans, Safety of Children, Sensivity to Children | Comments Off

Special Legal Steps to Take When Violence Involves Children

January 20th, 2011

The same types of legal protection are available to children as to adults, such as Restraining Orders or Orders of Protection. As the parent, it is your responsibility to bring these actions on behalf of your children when necessary. The same procedures described above apply to children’s Restraining Orders. Click here for additional resources.

In addition, suspected child abuse should be reported to the child’s pediatrician and the police. As a parent, you must protect your child, but the reasons for reporting abuse to your child’s doctor and the police also include protecting yourself legally. All states have laws which require parents to protect children, and by failing to make the proper reports to authorities and to seek proper medical treatment for your child, you put yourself at risk of being charged with child abuse or neglect. Your child’s teachers, daycare providers and doctors are also all required to report suspected abuse. Failing to protect your children against abuse or failure to seek proper treatment for them when they’ve been abused may be interpreted as neglect on your part. In the worst case scenario, you could lose custody and your children placed in the protective care of the state.

Should Any Child Involved in a Violent Family be Forbidden to See the Offending Parent?

The court has the power to order visitation even for a parent who has abused or threatened to abuse a child. Before a court does so, however, it typically orders a family study to be performed by either the Family Relations Office or a psychological evaluator. This procedure is described in depth in Chapter 9. Once the family has been evaluated, the court may still order visitation, depending upon the outcome of the evaluation. You can be confident that the court will do its utmost to assure that the children are not placed in a dangerous situation as a result of court orders.

There are many opportunities for the court to put safeguards in place in the event it decides that it’s in the children’s best interests to visit with a parent who has been abusive in the past. If visitation is to take place, insist on supervised visitation. Click here for another article on violence, children and divorce.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Violence and Children, Involving Pediatricians, Involving the Police, Protecting Children
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Safety, Self Care | Comments Off

Children’s Involvement in the Legal Process

January 18th, 2011

Although children may be integrally involved in the violence cycle at home, from a legal standpoint, it is extremely unusual for a child to actually be called as a witness in family court. Typically, a family court judge will let you testify about what your child said or did in an abuse situation, even though technically such testimony is considered “hearsay” and is therefore inadmissible. Most family court judges feel that protecting children is a more important goal than excluding hearsay evidence, and will let you testify. Click here for an article on child witnesses.

In the event that a judge decides that your child ought to testify, your child will be appointed his or her own attorney, or a guardian ad litem. The role of these children’s representatives is discussed in Chapter 9. The court may also make special arrangements to protect your children, such as closing the courtroom, or having the child testify in the judge’s chambers rather than in court. Again, such practices are quite rare. Children’s attorneys, guardians ad litem, Family Relations Studies and psychological studies have made the necessity of children’s testimony almost obsolete. Click here for another interesting article.

Even when the “children” are actually adults, the damage that such testimony can do to a family is oftentimes not worth the benefit derived. Asking children to testify, or scaring children into thinking they might have to testify, makes them choose one parent over another, and is potentially damaging for them emotionally. Do not do it.

What if My Child is the One Being Abused?

Violence toward a spouse is often a precursor to direct child abuse. Nearly half of the men who abuse their partners also abuse their children. Children who both witness violence and are abused themselves suffer the most negative long term consequences. These children are at highest risk when the marriage is dissolving, the couple has separated, and the father is committed to continuing to assert control over the lives of his wife and children. Some men, after their initial rage, let go. Others become more enraged as they fear their victims leaving their control. These men are the most dangerous to their children. Older children face the special problem of being assaulted when they try to intervene to protect their mothers and to stop the abuse. Daughters are more likely than sons to become their fathers’ next victims. They may experience physical or sexual abuse.

Compounding this problem, women who are abused are less able to care for their children. Researcher Lenore Walker reports that eight times as many women report using physical discipline on their children while living with their batterer than when living alone or in a non-battering relationship.

Symptoms experienced by abused children are similar to those described above for children who witness their parents’ violence. Their problems at all levels are more severe.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Children and the Legal Process, Protecting Children
Posted in Going to Trial, Testimony, Witnesses | Comments Off

More on Restraining Orders

January 12th, 2011

An extremely small number of people, however, completely disregard the court orders. Intent on causing harm, they are undeterred by the possible punishments of violating the orders. These people are extremely dangerous. Thankfully, they are also extremely rare, but you must be prepared for the possibility that the person from whom you need protection will not be stopped by a court order to stay away from you. You must take reasonable precautions to protect yourself. If you believe that the person against whom you seek protection might violate the restraining order and place you in physical danger, you must utilize self-defense techniques and common sense to protect yourself. Contact your local Domestic Violence agency or coalition for information on how to obtain an advocate to walk you through the steps needed to ensure your safety and negotiate the legal system. Click here for more information.

Some important ways you can protect yourself:

keep a certified copy of your order with you at all times
change your burglar alarm code
change the locks on your home
carry pepper spray or Mace (if legal in your state)
never walk to your car alone
never walk anywhere in the dark alone
check the interior of your car with a flashlight or natural light before getting in
alert your neighbors and local police of the situation
find safe shelter, such as an abused women’s shelter, if you still feel in danger
call the police every time the order is violated, no matter how small the violation.

Click here for more information.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Restraining Orders
Posted in Acrimony, Safety, Self Care, Self Esteem | Comments Off

Both Men and Women Can Qualify for Restraining Orders

January 10th, 2011

Men need to think about restraining orders as well. In these days of readily available handguns and other weapons, any physical threat must be taken seriously. Is your wife calling you repeatedly day and night? Is she calling you ten times a day at your work place? Michael’s wife could not bear the issue of being separated from her husband. Her sense of loss and fear for the future caused her to become extremely anxious and hysterical. Since she was convinced he was seeing another woman, she would call him at 2, 3, 4 o’clock in the morning just to see if another woman would answer the telephone. “I’ll kill her and you!” she’d scream into the phone. During the course of the day she would call him at his office, screaming abusive remarks to his secretary and also to him. Michael’s boss, finding him distracted from his work, spoke to Michael about the need to control his wife. Michael spoke to his lawyer about this, a restraining order was issued and the harassment stopped. Click here to visit the restraining order help center.

Legal Remedies Have Limited Shielding Power Restraining orders are pieces of paper. They are not shields. They work only when the person against whom they’re issued will abide by the orders. For some individuals, the threat of legal action and even criminal penalties are not enough to keep them away from you. Take the physical precautions you feel are necessary to protect yourself. Get an unlisted telephone number; do not tell your batterer your address. Install outside security lighting; install an alarm system; change the alarm code. File a copy of the restraining order with your children’s school.

What the Orders Can and Cannot Do For You

Court orders are useful for self-protection in cases in which the person against whom the order is issued will abide by the order, or who will violate the order in such a way as to permit police intervention. The orders provide legal protection, which means that a police officer can enforce the orders and impose criminal and civil penalties (like jail time and fines) to anyone who violates the orders.

The vast majority of people against whom restraining orders are issued abide by them. A few people feel the need to test the orders by violating them in some small way, such as parking in front of your house or calling on the phone, and a quick call to the police allows law enforcement officers to enforce the order. Click here for more information.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Order of Protection, Restraining Order
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Safety, Self Care, Self Esteem | Comments Off

How do I Enforce the Orders with my Spouse?

January 6th, 2011

Once you have your restraining order it is very important that you adhere to the guidelines of that order. Regardless of whether your partner is abiding by the restraining order, you must. For instance, if you see your husband or wife in the parking lot, supermarket, department store, simply turn around and walk away. You can always go back another time to do your shopping. Click here for an article on enforcing protection orders.

Seeing your partner during the times when the restraining order is active can be a highly emotional experience. You may experience a rush of feeling when you see or hear from your spouse. Such feelings can evoke deep seated anger and resentment for what the person is putting you through, and it is not unusual to initiate a verbal altercation or argument with your partner. Or, the sense of loss may well up again, and you may feel as if you want to hold onto your partner even if just for a moment. Despite these feelings, once you have obtained your restraining order, you must abide by it. Going to counseling with the person who has abused you or threatened to abuse you is permissible, but permitting that person to come to your house or meet you even in a public place may compromise your safety. If the order says that the person is to have no contact with you, you should have no contact with that person either. If, in a moment of weakness, you invite your spouse to meet with you at your home, and he becomes violent, the police may not show up fast enough to remove him before you are harmed. That could be true especially if the police have heard from you before after you have invited him in, and you are not taken seriously.

Juliet obtained a restraining order after her husband hit her, yet despite the order he was following her in the car, and calling her on the telephone at all hours of the day and night. A sense of sadness and loss regarding the marriage compelled her to meet with him for coffee. On the telephone her husband was sweet and considerate. During one of these coffee dates an argument started. Juliet asked the manager to call the police. When they arrived they determined that they would send Juliet and her husband on their way without making an arrest; after all, Juliet had agreed to meet her husband voluntarily. Juliet’s husband continued to call her and harass her and she tried to have her husband arrested in violation of the restraining order. Because of her previous agreement to meet him, however, her husband had sufficient evidence that she was a willing and complying partner in their meetings, and the restraining order was not extended by the court. This left Juliet in an extremely vulnerable position regarding her physical well being. Click here for additional resources.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Order of Protection, Restraining Order
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Safety, Self Care, Self Esteem | Comments Off

Order for Protection: Criminal Court Relief

January 4th, 2011

A Temporary Restraining Order is a civil remedy, as opposed to a criminal remedy. If the police become involved in your case, you may also be entitled to a criminal restraining order, some times called an Order of Protection or a Protective Order, through the criminal court and the police department. A civil restraining order is separate and in addition to “or instead of” a criminal order. You can obtain such an order by contacting the local police department, but typically they are automatically issued by the criminal court after your spouse (or other abuser) has been arrested. Click here for more information on protection orders.

How Should I Prepare to Successfully Obtain a Temporary/Protective Court Order?

Document your legal grounds for applying for an order. When physical violence occurs, file a police report, or go to the doctor and tell the doctor the details about what happened. This will create an account of the severity and frequency of your injuries.

Take photographs of your injuries as documentation.
You should document both physical abuse and emotional abuse.
It is also important to tell close friends, family, psychologist or family therapist when incidents occur. These people will then be in a position to corroborate your claims of abuse and be a witness for you, should that become necessary.

Even if you do not pursue a restraining order at that time, save these materials in a safe place. At the very least, take notes. Two, three, or eight months from now, you may not remember the time, place and date as well as the details of the incident. Unfortunately, you never know when you might need this documentation.

If you have none of this kind of documentation, but feel that you need a restraining order, apply for one anyway. You do not have to have documentation in order to qualify for a restraining order. It helps, but it isn’t necessary in most cases. Click here for another terrific resource.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Order of Protection, Police Involvement
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Protecting Yourself, Safety, Self Care | Comments Off

More on Violence and Abuse

December 31st, 2010

If the abuse is physical or violent in any way, or is verbal but threatens physical violence (“I’ll burn the house down with you in it”), you may qualify for a restraining order or an order of protection. In addition, this type of violence can be a factor in property distribution and alimony if your state considers the reasons that the marriage broke down in property division and alimony orders. Therefore, even if you elect not to obtain a restraining order or order of protection, it may still make sense to raise violence as an issue pertinent to your case. For more on restraining orders, click here. For more on an order of protection, click here.

If you have been subjected to abuse that is predominantly verbal: badgering, insulting, screaming and the like, but which doesn’t include threats to physically hurt you, then you are probably not entitled to a restraining order or order of protection in most jurisdictions. This type of abusive behavior, however, may be considered “fault” in those jurisdictions which consider the reasons that the marriage broke down in property division and alimony orders. You may also use this information in a custody dispute, as evidence of your spouse’s deficiency as a parent. You will need to discuss this with your attorney to decide if it would be worthwhile to pursue a fault claim on this basis.

Other types of abuse include threats toward your children. If the abuse is either physical or of a violent nature toward your children, or involves threats to kidnap them, then you may be able to apply for and receive a restraining order or order of protection on behalf of your children. This is described in more detail in a later section of this chapter.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Order of Protection, Restraining Order
Posted in Acrimony, Protecting Yourself, Safety, Self Care | Comments Off

Temporary Restraining Order

December 29th, 2010

If your spouse has been physically abusive or threatening to you in the immediate past, you may qualify for a Temporary Restraining Order. The general standard for such a restraining order is that the person against whom it is granted must be a relative of yours by blood or by marriage, or someone with whom you have lived. That person must have put you in a position where you are under a present threat of physical abuse. That means that if your spouse abused you 2 years ago, and in some cases 2 months ago, you will not qualify. You do not need to have bruises, black eyes, or broken bones in order to qualify. Threats such as “I will burn down the house before I give it to you”, menacing actions with handguns, pushing, shoving, and physical restraint may all qualify as abuse sufficient for a restraining order. You need not have the police involved in most cases in order to qualify. Click here for more information.

Most courts have set up the process so that you can apply for and obtain a Temporary Restraining Order without hiring an attorney. You can hire an attorney to help you obtain such an order, but it isn’t necessary. The procedure includes filling out appropriate forms, available at the Court Clerk’s office. You then tell a judge a brief explanation of the history of abuse and why you are afraid at the present time. The order goes into effect immediately. The order forbids your spouse from coming near you, into your home, or into your place of work, calling to harass you by telephone, placing any physical restraint on you, or assaulting you. Even coming near you is a violation of the restraining order, and your spouse could be arrested for doing so.

Thus, you may wish to obtain a TRO before the divorce papers are served, in order to protect yourself. For many, seeking a restraining order will be the last step towards a divorce after many episodes of abuse or threats, or both.

A follow-up hearing is then scheduled within a few days or weeks to give the person against whom you have the order a chance to tell his or her side of the story. If the restraining order is continued after the hearing, it usually stays in effect for several months, depending upon your state’s laws. These orders provide special relief for special circumstances, and should not be used in- appropriately in an effort to simply have your (non-abusive) spouse removed from the family home. Click here for another article on temporary restraining orders.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Protecting Yourself, Temporary Restraining Order
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Conflict Management, Safety, Self Care | 1 Comment »

If You are at Risk for Violence

December 27th, 2010

Make a safety plan. Have ready to go:

an address book with important names and numbers: doctors, school personnel, teachers, police, domestic violence hot line, shelters, and trustworthy friends and relatives
documents: driver’s license, insurance information, car registration, copy of house deed, passport/green card/work permits, social security card, birth certificate
household information: mortgage book, unpaid bills, debt information, insurance papers
copy of any restraining orders already in effect
money and credit cards
medications
children’s favorite personal possessions, such as blankets, stuffed animals, bottles
change of clothing for each member who might flee with you

If you are planning an escape, call a lawyer who is experienced with the special risks and needs in domestic violence situations before you do anything else. If there is no time, call after you have left your home. Do not allow a confrontation, just leave without notice and get to a safe place. Click here for information on creating a domestic abuse safety plan.

What Constitutes an Abusive Relationship as Far as the Court is Concerned?

For legal purposes, various types of abuse are categorized as either:

verbal abuse which does not present a threat of actual danger, i.e., “You’re stupid, lazy and irresponsible and I hate you”
verbal abuse which may constitute a present threat of physical danger, i.e., “I’m going to get a gun and shoot you” or “I’m going to burn down the house”
verbal abuse which may constitute a threat to commit a crime, i.e., “I’m going to take the children and move to another country and you’ll never find me”
verbal abuse coupled with a history of physical abuse, i.e., “I’m going to give it to you just like last time” or other innuendos which refer to previous physical instances
restraining you from leaving without actually physically touching you, i.e., blockading you into a room or the house
violent behavior which takes place in your presence but which doesn’t hurt you, i.e., throwing a heavy object in your direction which isn’t intended to hit you and which doesn’t hit you, or putting a fist through a wall; intent to intimidate is present
sexual assault, i.e. any unwanted physical sexual touching or fondling
physical abuse, i.e, slapping, punching, tripping, shoving or any other unwanted or menacing physical touching which happens at least once. It need not cause a bruise or injury.

Once you are able to categorize the type of abuse which you are receiving, you can then decide when and if to bring it up to the court. Click here for a website dedicated to safety from domestic abuse.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com

Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Risk, Risk for Abuse
Posted in Abuse, Acrimony, Safety, Self Care, Self Esteem | Comments Off

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Types of Supervision

Special Legal Steps to Take When Violence Involves Children

Children’s Involvement in the Legal Process

More on Restraining Orders

Both Men and Women Can Qualify for Restraining Orders

How do I Enforce the Orders with my Spouse?

Order for Protection: Criminal Court Relief

More on Violence and Abuse

Temporary Restraining Order

If You are at Risk for Violence